Eat.Play.Laugh

太阳雨

2012-02-13T18:40:00.001+08:00

Time flies. Finally get into the path that way back to daily life. The routine which consist of waking up, going college, online-ing, and yet getting back to bed. All the special hours have ended anyway. I have no dates to spare, no movies to catch, no candle-light dinner invitation etc. Except studying, I spend most of my time surfing internet. Have no idea what do i actually searching for and yet manage to spend half of that day facing the monitor. Lifeless? I guess. Somehow, I need to find a way out by doing something meaningful. Take action to complete my resolution.

聊着聊着，才发现我的未来并没有设计另一半的空缺。这并不是我已经有了伴侣，那是因为我并没有想要邀请别人来参与的念头。打从一开始，我的未来只因自己而旋转。一个人工作养家，一个人周游列国，一个人攀山摄水，一个人 ... ... 毕竟看见很多感情失败的例子，两个人在一起本来就是一门深奥的学问，更不用说结婚生子。性格倔强的我，加上那会让人抓狂的怪脾气，足以置他人于死地。老实碰钉子的教训，就是不要继续在原地转牛角尖，愿意就是不要想太多，一切随缘就好。

太阳雨。
太阳 - 象征正面力量和勇气。
雨水 - 象征忧郁、沮丧。

两个性质截然不同的角色参与，窗外竟出现了一幅优美的自然想象。阳光因雨水的混合，力量再也没有那么炽热；雨水因太阳的折射，也不再那么灰暗。一切达到恰恰好的效果，无形中引起了温和的作用，仿佛在提示些什么。你看懂了吗？

I couldn't help myself but rush to take a few snaps of this natural scene. ( I'm sorry if the photos don't reach the professional level,my skills are under progressing anyway. Be patient. )

*** All pictures were taken by using Olympus PEN E-PL 1. All photos are non-edited.

Birthday Blast

2012-02-13T00:32:00.003+08:00

This was nothing i had experienced for my past 18 years. It real birthday surprise. Absolutely REAL one. I cant deny that it was the best birthday i ever had. Family and friends were by my side in this special day. It might be "nahhh,it's just birthday,it's happened every year.." for some people, it's meaningful to me instead. I got my many of the-very-first-time in on my day. The first time i get to blow candle in the very first hour (12.00am sharp) on my birthday. The first time my parents planned to give me this surprise after so many birthday.

was wearing pajamas that time...uglyyyyy...

To be honest, i thought this year could be the same as usual, no one ever tried to make this day special. However, thing had changed. Hahaha. Thanks mom and dad. I'm sorry i wasn't a good child, but i will try my best to do better in future. P/S: mom specially ordered Tiramisu Cheese cake for me. Awwww.

Here comes the part of story which has happened in college.

Was almost late to class again as the past few days. And yeah, coursemates wished me HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Class went on for the first session. Something unexpected after the class tho. Me and my gang (you-know-who) planned to buy me lunch. Hence, some sort of odd character happened to appear after all. We got no choice but moved on. In order to suit everyone's appetite, we went after Kenny Roger's. A nice meal with endless laughters (which most of time, only me and leng were talking).

We headed to Pavillion straight after class ( in order to help me reach home before 10PM..goshhh..damn curfew..). Had no idea how many times i had went there in the past few weeks. YC demanded that i needed to pick my present or else she's not allowed me to go home. LOL. We walked around the shopping mall. Was trying my best to distract their attention, but failed in the end. Didn't want them to spend another penny on me since they already bought me lunch. At last, i get another NIKE bag. Wiggle wiggle wiggle. This was the first time people brought me to pick present on the spot. Hmm. Special huh. ROFL.

And yet, this was the first time for YC. Haagen-Dazs. Yeahhh. We went there to have a snack since four of us still fulled after the lunch. We spent some time to talk about our childhood which was pretty funny and yet intereting. Talked about our future like we had a clue (sounds familiar huh..you'll know what song is it..). I'm glad that i had met them. Three of them. They're my college buds. Friends don't need to have many, few are more than enough if they'll be there for you when you need them.

Pressie from my people..thankiuuuu :)

In the last few hours before my day ended, we spent another hour to talk about some ~~SERIOUS~~ matter on the way back. I couldn't help myself but kept laughing until my muscled ached. You got no idea how's interesting was the topic. I just feel like laughing whenever i thought about it ( even at this moment when im typing..).

Had so much fun in one day. And yet manged to reach home SHARP at 10pm. My parents were deeply impressed about my management on time. Oh yeahhh. I get to receive my very last birthday present before that. STITCH!!! My very first one. Even though, i hope it might be a soft toy, but it's more glamorous than i could imagine. Wheeee.

My mom forced me to finish my birthday cake before the day ended. Goshhh. Will definately gain back some weight after the hard work of losing it during last week. I've been consuming high calories food in one day. Greaaaaat. I had no confidence to step on the weighing machine anymore. TROLL.

Another BAG (ELLE sling bag which given by my aunty). People, you guys're going to implement the addiction of bag in me. It's not a good sign after all. Hahaha. ( The pinky machine like thingy was given by dad. Girls, i guess y'all know what's that.)

Once again.
THANKS FOR ALL THE BIRTHDAY WISHES AND PRESENTS. I LOVE Y'ALL PEOPLE <3

***

I could only think about Valentine's Day whenever my birthday has passed. It's nothing related to me after all. It's a day about chocolate, flowers, movies and candle-light dinner. I have none of them. I'm single. SINGLE and AVAILABLE. lmao. I'm single and yet free to do whatever i want. That's the good part of it anyway. Wish the couples have a nice day then. May their love last forever and ever. XOXO.

Three In One

2012-02-08T23:23:00.002+08:00

Awesomeness which happened in these three days. Too much to share, too less time to write.

6th of Jan 2012

Life's about endless joy and craziness. That's how i define a life should be. The memories of how my craziness being influenced was once back into the big while house. The room which we spent to share inner thoughts, the balcony where we bluffed under the night skies, the kitchen which filled with our laughters. Everything seem to be happened yesterday. There's endless conversation between four of us. Unless we're all exhausted. Hahaha. While we sat in front of the piano,the pictures that we used to spend overnight at that house,all flashed back. I missed those time pretty much. No lies. I missed everyone of you guys. Very much.
Key Terms : Bubble Tea, Sorry Sorry, 你现在走过去把你的头放进垃圾桶 etc. (Epic...)

Once upon a time... :)

7th of Jan 2012

Pre-celebration for ma birthday and yet single-for-valentines' day. A day fulled of bull-shit conversation (which was true..haha..). Have you ever seen a person laughed so loud in cinema?And yet did the voice-over by themselves? TROLLLLL. So much to talk about, so much to laugh. Memories flash back and yet I feel blessed. I'm truly glad that i met everyone of you guys. Because of you guys,my high school is filled with colors. The biggest surprise of the day>>>ma birthday present. Couldnt deny that it was such a big surprise after the teddy bears on my 17th birthday. Thanks babies. I love y'all sooo much. No lies. Morgan Field for lunch, Viral Factor for movie session. Another day with endless laughters. 我真的真的真的很开心!!! Glad that you guys came into my life. Might not have a chance to meet up like this again. Gonna miss you guys pretty much. Take care, my friends :)
我的那些年,只因为有了你们,而精彩 ~

Thanks buds for the SURPRISE :D

8th of Jan 2012

Was supposed to go home straight after class. It's the worst first day of school in my life. Long story anyway. Managed to spread the pressure outta me somehow. Going bookstores can always make me feel fresh. I like the surrounding which is fulled with books, endless shelves. How i wish my room could be a library. Ngek ngek. Luckily i chose to tag along with my girls in the end. And yet get to have some girls' talk in Sushi King. The nest stop, Kinokuniya. FINALLY. I get myself the very first photography book after my 18th years (gonna turn 19 in one day time). And yeah, another two fiction, and a chinese romance. To be honest, RM200 is definately not enough for me to spend in reading materials. Just needa check out my collection one day, only then will realise how much i have spent for them. Gonna start reading from now on before my next visit to BookXcess.
*I likey the smells of books :D

My new love :P

Fullhouse

2012-02-06T01:33:00.001+08:00

Was struggling in choosing the right title for this post. Is it supposed to be FAREWELL or THE LAST DINNER? Both seem kinda ~~sorrow~~ tho. In order to make it special for the last night we spent with sis, it's a girls-night-out. We went Fullhouse which located at Giant,Cheras. It's another branch under the same restaurant. Its actually my first time visiting Fullhouse tho. The environment is so romantic. The restaurant is decorated with white tables and chairs, white curtains and doors, green grass etc. It's filled with white and green. It's another once-in-a-lifetime try. The menu is pretty unique, not much choices, but the layout of the booklet is nice. It's the combination with photos, drawings and comics. Talk about food, the main dishes look promising based on the menu. It did taste good in real as well. It's personal's choice afterall. Some people did comment that the food was just fine, but it's tasty for me tho. The DESSERT was the main point. You could get 3 desserts @ RM29.90 only. Any of the three choices. It can fill your sweetness hunger in no time. Couldn't help myself but keep on smiling while having my dessert :D

fountain in Fullhouse(indoor)...

Couldn't remember the name of this dish,but its some sort of black pepper chicken chop...yummy :)

Dessert time~ Tiramisu, Black Forest Chocolate Cup and my fav CREME BULEE (from left to right)...OM NOM NOM :P

It's the last night i could spend with my sis who already went back to Sabah to finish her final year studies this afternoon. It's a meaningful dinner after all. Gonna wish her the best and good luck in this coming few months. Probably don't be stressed out due to her thesis. Everything will go well in the process. ILY sissie <3

Kinda get back into the photography nowadays, instead of taking pictures by using a pro camera, my Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1 serves me well tho. At least i don't have to go through the long editing progress in pc. My tabbie can save my time simply by using one of those photos editing apps. Pictures speak well than words. Especially foods. Tadaaaaa~

Life's going well so far. May this could last out the whole year without any accident. Hopefully. Gonna take my Olympus PEN for some walking in these coming days. Needa brush up my photography skill. And yeah, wanna visit some awesome places in order to take nice photos (nahhh..probably it's another excuse for me to sneak out tho..haha..).

College will start in one day time (it's already 1.30am on 6th), will try my very best to update my blog everyday.
See ya~

Awakening

2012-02-03T16:40:00.003+08:00

You guys will probably jump into the conclusion of UNDERWORLD whenever you read the post's title. It's correct anyway. There's some sort of rush or feelings (i would say) has to be expressed after watching the movie. I have to jot down before the pieces get carried away again.

UNDERWORLD is awesome. Obviously. For a supernatural fans like ME. Immortal, the Others or the Cold Ones etc. for whatever the names humans are calling them, they seem absolutely cool and powerful. The strength, speed and the instant recovery energy. Have you ever imagined that you became one of them? The immortal. To be honest, I DID. I envy their gifts - the strength. They fight for everything in order to protect, and never run away when the enemy attack. At least, the way they handle issues are fair and square. Their bravery which could kill thousands of the monsters. How i wish i'm borned to have such a talent.

Humans are fragile. No matter how strong are them in physical or mental, they will still break apart someday. As well as the immortal. They run when they have no courage to fight in order to survive. The fear, which has haunted me since i was a kid. I would like to fight back, I want to fight back. Desperately. I have no idea why the strength has came in me out of sudden. After the movie, I guess. It's an AWAKENING. I want to stay and fight. Fight for my life, my family, my friends. Now I know what I'm fighting for. Even be sacrificed one day, it's worthed somehow.

Running away isn't the best way to survive, keep on fighting will only show how much the life worth for.

***
The backview of the person, has created the panic in me. The similarity between two person, even though they are different, i have no idea why it could create such a mess in my head. I was about to run at that moment when he get nearer. Only realised that, it was another person not him. I holded my breath and finally released. Im gonna walk out from the shadow. I can. And I will. Definately.

FIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Very First Surprise

2012-02-01T17:31:00.001+08:00

Picture tells story...

Locket from VICENZA

Even it's few more days to go until my birthday, I already received my very first birthday wish and present. I get a postage from England. I knew it was given by Aunty Sharon. But I didn't know that it was my present. Was shouting and dancing in hype once i opened the postage. It was a necklace with a heart shape locket pendant. I LOVE IT. The material was abosutely light and small in size. It wouldn't cost any weight whenever you wore it. The design was definately gorgeous. It's simple yet unique. I would put photos of my beloved ones into the locket. In order to keep the necklace shine, Aunty Sharon had bought another longer chain for me that i could take out the necklace before going in shower. Awwww. Heart melted. How sweet. ILY Aunty Sharon <3 Thankiuuuu for the pressie <3 And also, she bought me a packet of candy Fruit-Tella. Niceeee.

(I likey accecorries pretty much, especially those unique-designed one :3 probably will spend some angpau money to get more of them...shhh..pls dont tell ma mommy :P )

Here goes my very first birthday wish. Phone was showing quite a long line of numbers that time. I had no idea who was calling from the other side. LOL. Picked up the call, the voice was shouting "happy birthday" in the other side. I was like who the hell was the crazy lady. She kept on talking and talking and talking, i didn't even have a chance to say EXCUSE ME. I shouted WHO ARE YOU back to the lady, she only realised that she didn't meantion her name. It was a pretty funny phone call, at first i thought it might be a Gotcha Call from Hitz.fm,luckily it wasn't. She's my pretty girl KYLE. Been lost contact with her for about,hmmm,few years? I guess so. Trying to catch up every bit of our life. I did miss her very very very much. Will try my very best and get a bust ticket to go Singapore visit you,my dear. Due to her busy schedule, she had to give me the earliest birthday wish before she forgot. Awwww. It's alright baby, as long as you remember my name, i will still love you always <3 Hehehe. Anyway, i knew you're reading this :D

I likey SURPRISE *0*

If I Were A Boy

2012-01-27T02:51:00.000+08:00

I could do things like a real guy. Be like a man. Act like one, and talk like one.
I will chase after girls. I will go drinking every night.
I will go wherever i want to. I will do whatever i like.
I will protect everyone around me. I will share my love for them.
I will be tough to handle knotty cases. I will be strong to stand in the thunder storms.
I will held my head up high, even the girl turns her back on me.
I will cheer for the day and move on.
I will make more friends, and get a better girl next time.
I will give the clear line between emotion and rational.
I will not have a second thought to stay but leave without turning back.
I will laugh for the joy, cry for the pain, scold for the anger.
I will be a better man, and yet a real human.

总是有太多的情绪牵绊那前进的脚步。
会哭，会闹，会叫。
想尽一切好让自己可以变好，看起来很好。
物极必反。
欲速则不达。
越是想要做好，越是慌张，越是迷失自己。
就像是在原地兜圈子，再怎么努力，仍然逃不出去。
感情从来就不听理智的话。
要固执，才有感觉，才会满足。
可是，一味的刁蛮只会伤了、毁了自己。
在感情的世界里，所有人都是初学者，都是愚蠢的。
不是说哭过就好了，寂寞寂寞就好。
要爱得有自我，才能够爱得浓烈，才算是爱得值得。

Learn from the mistakes. Anticipate the present with the experiences. Get a better life started at his this moment...

Mistakes

2012-01-26T16:52:00.001+08:00

Been repeating the same mistake over and over again. This is because there's hope that the situation could change by time. And yet, giving the chances again and again. Meanwhile, ended up broken pieces that could never get it right again.
The face that used to smile for every single thing been covering with mask. The smiley mask that could never reveal how much one's heart has hurted and one's eyes are swollen. The physical body that is strong enough to hold everything but weak enough to cry. The brain that could operate anything but cannot digest any single of the same shadow.
And again, they are covered up well. No one has ever noticed their changes. They move on and live like nothing happen. The wounds that never get recovered, state how much they have sacrificed.

I shall leave, I guess.

Greetings

2012-01-24T22:54:00.000+08:00

Once again, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR :)
Been visiting from house to house since yesterday. Endless eating, talking, sitting, etc. And of course, AngPau. Phewwwitttt. Although the "feel" of CNY is getting less this year, it still seem as the usual new year session to me. Glad to meet every relatives. It makes me realise that I have grown up by looking at their faces. I used to be the tiny one among all the adults, and now, I have been same height as everyone. Time flies, people gets old, children grows up. Gonna appreciate the time being with family. They are always the best support. ILY <3

Everyone has fell in love to take selca :P

2012 Resolution

2012-01-22T16:29:00.003+08:00

This post is supposed to be updated on the 1st day of 2012, but for my opinion, the beginning of new year is only started when there comes the CHINESE NEW YEAR. Bwahhhh. Finally, the time has arrived. And now, i can feel the excitement and the rush of new year. Red lanterns, red decorations, red clothes and shoes, red packets, etc. Here goes my resolution of the year :

Let the hair grow (which i have been talking about this for years,and now im gonna do it)
Grow taller (only if i could)
Lie under the skies of stars (only if i could sneak out during the nights, and i love starry nights)
Go to the beach (i dont care if my skin get tanned anymore, since its tanned already)
The collection of hundreds kids' smiley face (capturing those smiling faces can always take my breath away, and yet touch my heart deeply)
Play kites (to be honest, i haven't fly a kite before, not even once)
Learn how to ride bicycle ( and yeah, i dont know how to ride, for real, no lies)
Backpack travelling (this is always in my list)
More photography (gonna improve my skill in no time)
More songs composing (im lack of concentration each time)
Psychollogical grown-up (gonna be brave to strike for the best)
etc.

This gonna be the endless list, cus there are tons of things i wanna do. Ngek ngek. There's a thing has missed out in the list, which is the lovey dovey part. Im pretty sure that everyone wanna has an accompany, but it matters the timing and fate. So, im not going to have much hope in it, but when it comes to the time, i will give in efforts. Everything single little things worth to be an option in our life, all we gonna do is TRYING. Never try never know, and no regrets for whatever choices one has made.

P/S : whenever the CNY is near, it always remind me about my birthday is not far away anymore. LMAO.

Bygone is bygone
We should move on by time

新年快乐 :)

Its 2.30 In the Morning

2012-01-12T02:40:00.001+08:00

Hello there. Good morning people. Well, i guess everyone is having their sweet dreams already. And yet, im still awake due to some reason. Im writing this post just wanna say THANK YOU to my friend who skype with me in the middle of the night. Thanks alot to keep me stay awake. I guess i was sleep-talking most of the conversation. And yeah, here's the best smile i can gave tonight. We will take a better one next time. My turn to sleep now :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2012-01-11T00:18:00.000+08:00

Okay. It might sound weird that my title is HAPPY NEW YEAR. But who cares. Bwahahaha. Now Im truly celebrating my new year. OFFICIALLY. I know it sounds kinda show-off for those are having their exam soon, especially for those who will sit for their paper during chinese new year. So what? You guys do have fun during the christmas and the new year countdown after all. But us, are studying so hard (only if you do) for the finals. Don't you know that is torturing when everyone else around shouting and celebrating with the whole town WITHOUT YOU PRESENCE?
Anyway. Im freeeeeeeeeeeeee now. Muahahaha.

Went out for celebration after the last paper.
Cheong K until tired.
Drink the large size Chatime without sharing with anyone as usual.
*Once again, wanna say THANK YOU to MY DEAR LENG LENG :) *
Walked at Bintang Street with my all my BABIES. RWARRRR.
Went for some kind of One Malaysia Tourism Live Show at Pavillion.
(Been dragged to the dance with the pretty girl un front.)
Walk like we own the street back to Times Square again.
Talked like a boss in the car.

Im grateful that I have met you all. ILY. MUACKSSSS <3
(Hehehe,that's my love for y'all. Dont vomit. Puuuuulease. XD)

P/S : Only realise that I don't own a single picture to frame this crazy night up. Awwww. Such a waste.

Pasarrrrrr Malammmm

2012-01-07T22:54:00.003+08:00

Im grateful tonight. A fabulous night with daddy and mommy. Im once again their little girl like the old times. It's like going back to my childhood. Walking in between dad and mom. But I wasn't that short anymore. Now I realise they have grew old without noticing. For once, I was just a kid that can't even reach out to touch their hands, and yet now I was tall enough to stand side by side to them. I wish the time could hold on that moment forever. Just let it be alittle longer. The warm and love that I have missed it for so long. Dad said, "You're still a kid after all." I guess I am, and I wish I am. Without any interruption of the outside world, I was being a kid for one night. Tugging mommy's shirt to buy me the cake I like, begging daddy to buy me another balloon. Im blessed. Thank you dad and mom. I love you two.

Bwahahaha...I asked dad to pose with my little Spongy...XD

Favourite pasar malam snacksssss...I LOVE IT :)

Mr.Big-Headed Mickey who is keeping fit....Booooo....

My new accompany...Welcome Mr.Spongy Spongebob :D

即使已经慢慢地长大,
但是，心里面仍然住着一个爱吃、爱闹、爱玩的小孩。
我，还是个小孩。

OVER-REACTED

2012-01-05T16:59:00.002+08:00

Was having a very strong headahce half and hour ago. A very very strong one. I thought I was about to die this time. I couldn't even wake up and get the painkillers. Was holding myself so tight on the bed. I just hope the pain could fade away real soon. Or else just brought me to death. The pain kicked in without any warning. Hmm. Maybe it did, but I ignored it apparantely. Really thought everything gonna end at that moment. Been rolling on the bed for an hour. Glad that I fell asleep for awhile only then the pain faded abit.
Was suffering the pain with tears rolling down from my eyes. How I wish I could be tough enough to face the pain, but I have failed it again. Crying ain't do any good to the pain, it could only make it worse. I found that I was being over-reacted once again aka stupid. Grrrrrrrr. And now, Im alive. Good thing huh. Im alive~~~

总是在精神错乱的时候会胡思乱想。
或许，那一个头痛已经扰乱了基本的思考程序。
那一刻，真的，真的，很希望，
会有那么一个肩膀可以让我依靠，
有那么一双手可以紧紧地抱住我，
再拍拍我的头说“很快就不痛了”。
老实说，我的确有一点害怕。
不停地在疼痛里挣扎，起不来，以为一切就在那一刻结束了。
我，终究还是哭了，歇斯底里地狂哭。
是因为痛感而哭？
还是因为害怕而哭？
只是在意志慢慢开始恢复的时候，突然有一种莫名的空虚、心痛。
睁开眼睛，发现又回到这一个空荡荡的房间。
头痛已经缓缓地散去，感觉到再次回归这个现实的世界。
痛了又怎样，哭了又怎样，日子还是要过啊。
终究还是要靠自己咬紧牙根熬过去。

I guess the headahce wont kick it that soon in this short period. Will get to survive for another couples of weeks. Lesson of the day : Store some painkiller in the room. LOL.

老天爷，
我现在什么都不要，
只要开开心心地过生活就好。
可以吗？

Imagination

2012-01-01T16:32:00.000+08:00

Its like a cloudy sky, there's neither sushine nor moonlight, no twinkling stars or clear blue sky. It has shaded the front view without any warning. It gives a person whatever they want. They imagine there's someone or something exist which they have wanted for so long. It provides the short-term happiness but long-term emptiness. A person will only ask for more when the current image couldn't fulfill their hunger. They start to get used with the beautiful scenary and forget about the reality. They crave for more when the images start to fade. They couldn't get holded on it because it's a thought that never has an existance. But they couldn't live without it anymore, it's like a drug. They have addicted to the non-reality, they choose to stay in their own little imagination instead of the real but cruel world. It's like a habit, they take it as a daily basis, follow their shadow when they wake up, accompany them to sleep in the night. Only if one day they are back to the reality, they will probably suffocate. They feel like dying because they couldn't find the happiness once that give them the best fulfilment. They don't want to reveal the true characterof themselves, the wounds that been bleeding and never get healed. They like living in a small room with only four walls, nothing else but only themselves with the imagination, the images that keep them happy and yet numb to the true feelings. They never ask for anything but the images. It's a shield that keep them safe. And yet, they are just
a bunch people that need some comfort. They need a shoulder to lean on, and arms to hug them tight. They choose to escape the reality because they can't find a reason to keep them stay strong in that world. They will suffer even more if they want to find the true self. However, they couldn't run away from it forever. They will feel the pain even worse when they have left for so long. They will try the very best to get everything back to normal, they eat, they drink, they smile, they joke around. The harder they try, the more they suffer. They have nothing to hold on, they want it so bad to go back their imagination world to cure the addiction.
Day by day, people will think they have changed. They seem like enjoying their life pretty much, but there's actually an invisible scar underneath their soul. They are tough as people have thought they are, they laugh for anything, they cry for no reason. No one has a chance to see through their mind except themselves. They are just a group of crazy people.

不要刻意去追求什么，奢求什么。
一旦拥有就会形成习惯，一旦习惯就会舍不得放手。
即使那一时的感觉是多么的美好，终究还是得回到现实。
不属于自己的，不管再怎么牢牢套住，它仍然会消失。
笑一笑，就把它当做一时的糊涂，一切会随着时间冲淡。
既然可以习惯拥有，就可以习惯失去。
一切就会恢复到从前一样，一个它从来没有出现过的日子。
依然开心地笑，依然坚强地做自己。

Hit The Lights

2012-01-01T03:27:00.001+08:00

Let's turn the music alittle bit louder. Move your body with the song and lose yourself once again. There's nothing to fear and run away. There's ain't any monster chasing behind. It's another brand new day with the bright sunshine. Come alive, It's a brand new starting. Held your head up high, screw those loser and win all the fights. Nothing's gonna hold your down, and yet you will fly up the clear blue sky. It's a perfect world when you go all the way. Stay smart, stay confident, stay strong :)

2012。

一直期待的那一扇大门就在眼前，勇敢地往前跨越，又是一个全新的开始。
不畏惧、不退缩。
崭新的生活，轻快的步调，愉悦的心情。
再一次，一步一个脚印地向前迈进。
这一个开始，我会不顾一切地豁出去。
大胆尝试，踊跃挑战，绝不止于此，不让生命留白。
继续为生活疯狂，为梦想受伤，这样才会变得更坚强。
要学会享受孤单，前往一个别人到不了的境界。
谁说一个人不可以过得很好？
寂寞怎样？
单身又怎样？
那些没人理解的武装，和那些没人怀疑的坚强。
我，可以很好。

Life's good when you have started to enjoy. Go with the flow, rock it out. And let's get CRAZIER.

Motivation

2011-12-28T01:57:00.001+08:00

2 a.m. at this moment.
You're not mistaken, and yet I'm not sleep-walking.
Been feeling guilty for the slow progress of studying. It's really not productive.
Couldn't truly get into the study mode.
I'm not being distracted by anything, and there's nothing to drag me away.
Just couldn't pay attention on the texts.
I need MOTIVATION. Need it, seriously and badly.
There's always a person accompany me when I'm going through the exam period.
Couldn't believe that I was being unproductive without any encouragement this time.
Such a loser.
I only manage to force myself go through those notes. Not much. But at least read through them.
Can anyone be my motivater?
Or anyone is willing to motivate me?
Gosh.
Feel very disappointed of myself.
Really wanna give myself a slap on the face.
No lies.

AND YOU, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
NOW WHAT, YOU WANT A FIGHT?
DIDN'T I MAKE THE SITUATION CLEAR ENOUGH YET.
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN ANYTHING WITHIN YOU AND I ANYMORE.
JUST SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
GIVE ME SOME SORT OF SILENCE.
PLEASE.

Are you?

2011-12-27T13:32:00.001+08:00

据说、假装坚强的人会这样:

1 手机不离身

2 有时会笑得没心没肺、有时却很沉默

3 对待相应的人、会有相应的性格

4 喜欢用被子把自己包着

5 会突然想起一件事、而泪流满面

6 会因为别人一句话伤心、但不会被发现

7 会突然伤心、生气、也会突然高兴

8 会很需要朋友、害怕朋友欺骗自己

9 会从小懂得很多道理

10 爱听悲伤的歌

11 会因为一件事、偷偷哭很久

12 会安慰很多人、但自己却没人安慰

13 会经常翻手机、看有没有短信

14 会经常上网等别人和她说话

15 会怀念从前、讨厌现在

16 会突然想到某句话、然后写下来

17 会突然唱起某首歌

18 有时很神经、有时很镇静

以上这几项,又说中了你几样? :)

Hesitation

2011-12-27T01:25:00.001+08:00

在失眠的夜晚,
脑袋比平常来得还要清醒。
躺在黑暗里,
听着一首又一首的蓝色情歌,
这很难不让思绪狂奔。
真的不希望想太多,
但是回首过去,
心智不知不觉地成长了。
长大了以后,
才发现已经不能像以前那么潇洒,
不是说想怎样就可以怎样。
那隐形的责任感,
和那无声的愧疚,
无时无刻地提醒着自己,
要三思而后行。
每一个决定,
每一句话,
都可能带来很多的回响。
在踏着每一步前进的同时,
防心墙也随着时间变得牢固。
会害怕, 会无助, 会不安, 会哭泣。
会开始怀疑,
这些日子的努力究竟是为了什么。
像是失去方向的船舶,
在汪汪大海中,
不知道该前进还是放弃。
会犹豫要是往前划,
会不会遇到更大的漩涡;
也会祈祷前面就是个靠岸,
可以停下来歇息。
即矛盾又愚蠢的思考,
不能够停下,
却又不能够前进。
仿佛看到一道曙光,
也会猜测那是否是真实的。
一个人,
背着所有的负担和责任,
一步一脚印地,
往成长的路途流浪。
会寂寞,会沮丧,会挫败,会疲惫。
再多的期待也填补不了,
那莫名的空虚。
在怎么无忧无虑,
终究还是希望可以有个陪伴。
快乐的时光,
可以一起分享;
难过的时候,
可以有个安慰。
但是,
会忧虑,那是否只是一场梦;
梦醒以后,空荡的回声会更响。
不想要做梦,
却又不想让那甜甜的滋味散去。
矛盾。
愚蠢。
真的不再像以前那样潇洒。
寂寞。
空虚。
那是成长的痕迹。

失眠

2011-12-27T00:20:00.000+08:00

Another night that without any sleepiness.

Can someone just knock me out?

Im not having any problems, seriously.

Just couldnt sleep.

I guess i need someone sing me to sleep.

Cant help that the circles under my eyes are getting deeper.

Can anybody help me?

Insomnia

2011-12-26T01:22:00.000+08:00

失眠的夜最困扰。
最近常常睡不好，几乎每隔一个小时就会突然醒来。
烦恼吗？不是已经都解决了吗。
我真的很想好好地休息，让脑袋安静下来。
不是我不要养成早睡的习惯，那是真的很困难。
无论我早睡或迟睡，效果都一样，还是累。
所以，我宁愿把我自己给累垮才上床去睡。
因为，我不喜欢那种眼睁睁躺在床上睡不着的感觉。
那种安静，似乎有一点可怕。

Christmas

2011-12-26T00:11:00.000+08:00

There's only 15minutes left before the Christmas ends in 2011. Hence, Im gonna do a summary to note down how awesome is my Christmas. Muahaha. It is the best ever compared to those I have in my past 18 years. How awesome is it? Don't navigate away. Keep on reading. It might won't sound that fun for you, but it is the best Christmas night for me.
First of all, Im gonna say thank you to my mom. Thanks mommy. Without her, I wouldn't have the chance to hang out in the middle of Bukit Bintang street to countdown during Christmas Eve night. The street is fulled of people. Everyone is wearing the santa' hat, raindeer hairband or even dressing up as a Santa Claus. They spray the snow to whoever that pass by (only young peoples are the victim but not adults,so yeah, Im the lucky one instead of my parents). I can see couples at every single corner, as well as my parents. They were holding hands when we were walking all the way at Bintang Walk. How i wish this moment could last forever, but im very sure that it won't. Instead behave like the normal youngsters, spraying the snow etc. DANG DANG DANG~~~ i bought myself a balloon. A huge Mickey head balloon. Even the kids are holding Angry Birds, I just wanted something different from others. That's why i pick Mickey.

Huge Mickey head balloon :)

This shows how HUGE is the head of my Mickey balloon...Taadaaaa~~~

I was holding my his hand all the way while walking on the street. He gave the me the warmth and happiness that I was back to the childhood time.I was grinning and can't even walk properly. I felt like i was going to fly up the sky with him and floating in the starry sky. It's him,MICKEY. He stood by my side and accompanied for the whole night. Hahahaha. Don't get me wrong. I just couldn't help myself but keep on smiling when i look at his face. Gonna stare at his face every morning when i wake up and the moment before i sleep :)

The night didn't end after the countdown. Dad drove straight to the OverTime @ 1Shamelin. The place that i been nagging so long to take a peak. And this night, Im officially step into the floor. Even my parents were with me for the whole night, but i couldn't hide the hyperness in body. Were shaking my head along the music while drinking Starker. Couldn't believe that i can really drink alot. Been drinking two pint. Even those guys that were sitting near to our table, they were staring like their eyes gonna pop-out soon. Alcohol gave the happiness and turn the hyperness to the max, OverTime rocks my night to the max.

Beer of the night...

To be honest, this fantastic night, how i wish i could spend with it with my beloved one. Here then, Im shouting it out at you, to my future-him, listen up, i want a memorable Christmas in future. Haha. Im not drunk. Not even close yet. This night gonna be in my list of the Top10 nights.
Merry Christmas~~~

Spirited

2011-12-23T00:17:00.001+08:00

突然间好想要写一篇励志的文章。
最近老是让情绪控制理智，那不像我啊，也不适合我啊。
我的长处是什么？
大概是适应能力强，恢复能力快。
即使伤痕累累，也会不惜一切奋斗到最后。
我觉得嘛，做人要感性是可以，但是不要让它影响到前进的脚步。
那不单害了自己，还让敌人得逞。
要哭，要闹，随你喜欢就好。
哭完了，闹够了，就得恢复正常才可以。
要是无时无刻都沉浸在情绪里，那不但苦了自己，周围的人还要替你担心。
活在这个世界上，不是要我们在那里纳闷生活有多么的辛苦，辛酸。
我们应该把握还可以呼吸的那一份力量，去填补生活的每一个缝隙。
尝试一切新奇的东西，挑战一些充满刺激的事情；
想什么就做什么，这样人生才不会有遗憾啊。

这一年，被情绪拖累了好久，甚至就要迷失自我。
庆幸的是，理智还是胜过了情绪。
就是着样，从来不让感性的那一面释放太长时间。
有时候，觉得自己都快变机械化了。
有好有坏吧。
每次经历一场大风波以后，都会把重心放在工作上。
认真起来的样子，比发脾气来得还要可怕。
几天几夜，不眠不休，不吃不喝。
还记得那一年，也是一样。
为了争取站上舞台的机会，脚都疼得走不了了，还是要继续练舞。
看见我突然的改变，不要被那外表吓着。
那只不过是 incident-after-fever 罢了。
怎么说？
我会让自己疯狂地过日子，比平时还要更疯癫一些。
因为我再一次感受到那自由的爽快，没有情绪的束缚，真的很棒。
这也证明了，那精神上的创伤快要结疤了。
别人都说那样生活大概很累吧，我也已经是习惯了。
每一个人都有自己的生活方式，或许我的比较极端一点吧。

结论是，我不是好欺负的。
想要挑战我，还是得想多几遍才可以。
先把话说开，别跟我来硬的，我可是不会手软的。
要说别人幼稚，你才是需要那面镜子照一照的人吧。
我不出声并不代表我胆小，你说了那么多也不见得你很行吧。
最看不过那些敢说不敢做的人，懦弱!!!
总而言之，有本事就当面对质。
别妄想能够打败我，FIGHTING!!!

*** 今晚又迟睡了，哈哈。
但是我很开心，因为又领悟到另一番道理。
脑袋又老了一岁吧。

Be a good person ; gives the enemy more reason to hate you...

冬至

2011-12-22T15:55:00.001+08:00

汤圆啊汤圆
还记得以前阿妈说过,要吃过汤圆才算长大,那么今年我得继续当小孩咯
自从阿妈过世了以后,我们家就没有以前那么热闹了
还记得每逢过年过节,所有人都回kampung庆祝,超好玩的
大人坐在一起聊八卦,小孩在屋外到处跑
唉~现在各有个的忙,忙事业,忙读书,忙赚钱,忙养家,想要碰面都难咯
小时候的我们,现在全都长大了,也开始变得现实多了
人情冷暖都没有人会在乎
那一种家的温暖和热闹,真的很久没有体验过了
有时候觉得,这一个家,并没有家的感觉
它只是一个让我吃饭,睡觉,休息的地方罢了
老实说,我真的很羡慕那些可以天天吃到妈妈煮的菜的朋友
每逢节日都有家人一起度过的日子
一家大小,所有人围在餐桌一起吃饭,一起哈啦
哇,真的很羡慕啦
突然我好想念阿妈,要是她还在,一定会给我们吃好多好多汤圆
我也好想念我姐,虽然她很鸡婆,但是她在家,一定会带我去吃好的
至于爸妈,只要他们一天不吵架,我感谢神明都还来不及呢
长大了以后,周围的一切都变了
一起长大的表兄弟姐妹,现在都觉得很陌生
和阿姨舅舅聊天,都要说一些客套的话
唉~这是一个怎样的世界啊
所以现在,把重心都专注在学业上,至少它不会辜负我
至于感情那方面,
亲情,我并没有太多的期望
友情,当然希望我和身边的那一班朋友友谊永固啦
爱情,目前为止或许还是有一点阴影吧,看哪天有谁可以把我的心结解开,那他应该就是对的人了吧
没想到别人都在和家人过冬至的时候,我却一个人可怜到汤圆都没得吃,外面还一直下雨
悲哀啊~

在这里,祝各位冬至快乐
多吃几碗汤圆,多和家人聊聊
希望大家度过美好的一天 :)

It's Broken

2011-12-20T23:00:00.003+08:00

Relationship is like a piece of glass, once it's broken, there are no ways to fix it back. Better let it there, than get yourself injured.

No matter how far you go, no matter what you do. It's not going to do anything good to the situation. Even you keep quiet. You have broken the thread of faith between you and I. There's no way to turn back. You are saying those words harsh, you are showing the emotion to everyone. You even tell me that everything you do is nothing related to me, but it actually does. You even curse me to death. And yet apologise in the next moment. You been saying sorry after you been hurting me all these while. Sorry. Im not a fool. Even I sit alone, Im not going back. Calling for a thousand times, saying how much you miss the past. Once again, Im not going to give it damn this time. Not anymore.

Goodbye. This is the end.

Eat. Pray. Love.
Have a feeling that someone better is approaching my life.
Is it you?

Thank You, Sorry And Goodbye

2011-12-19T16:40:00.000+08:00

Final Exam Timetable..oh man..why exammmm...

Count down from today, there's only two weeks time left until the final exam.
I will be sitting for the first paper on 31st of December which is a Saturday and yet 9 o'clock in the morning.

Looking back to those times that i have spent in these two semesters, i have been drooling, fooling, crapping and talking ALOT apparantely. Been getting the worst and the best moments in these 6 months. Couldn't believe that time passed without giving any notice. It's time to say goodbye to 2011 and welcome 2012.

Im glad that i have met few peoples that once again valuevable in my life. Im pretty aprreciated that they have accompanied me to go through the most terrible days in this year. I love you guys, I really do. *wink wink*

To be honest, there's a person that i wish he could be in my thank-you speech. Unfortunately, he doesn't even worth to be in the namelist. It's such a pity and wasted. And yet, he still blaming others instead of taking his responsibilities until the end. Im truly disappointed. He said " You did wrong but did not know how to admit". Did i? Am i the person that did wrong after all? Even if i did, i guess the most terrible mistake was i chose to forgive and trust you over and over again. No matter how, no matter what. It's over now.

I propose appreciation for my life. I say thank-you for those who giving help to me. I apologise to those who i feel sorry for. I pray for those people who need hope and miracles. I heart my family and friends. I give the best of myself for others instead of my own. I couldn't deny i behave selfish quite often. Everyone do. Included you and me. Everyone hope to get a pay back once they have put in effort for something. I did as well. But there's none of the rules and regulations state that there's a must of returning behind every effort. I dont ask for anything in return when im trying to give others. Their happiness are my pleasure and glory. Those smiling faces are something that could never use anything to trade. Im glad that i have the chance to workship people around me. I really do.

Well well. The better would come after the worst. I truly hope this happen. The bad person that once destroy my daily basis, i pray for the better person to paint my life once again. Held the head up high, walk with the pride, without looking back. Strike for the best, get over the worst. Fighting!!!

Air Symphony

2011-12-18T23:43:00.000+08:00

This paragraph was specially dedicated to the perfomers who had brought the wonderdul music pieces to the audience. Air Symphony. Theme - Music Cinema. To be honest, it was definately something new that i had never experienced before. Not as in the attending a orchertra concert, it was the performing style that was different. It was great after all. A group of passionate and spiritual young peoples. It was obviously something that i never tried before. Compared to those concert that i went before, it was really something fresh fro me. Well done and good job to them. Wish them all the best in future.

Here comes my part of story then. I guess this would be the last post that talking about the same issue. I do hope so. Seriously.

曾经那么想过
我就像是一只蜗牛
原本应该一步一步地往前爬
但是肩上的贝壳
却在身体还没可以负荷的时候
已经占据了整个重量
把原本的脚步变慢
拖着拖着
把所有的负担都扛在肩膀上
很累却又不能因此而停歇

对于他
我真的无话可说
宣告结束了以后
却还要纠缠不清
那样真的很幼稚不是吗

经过一个下午的音乐洗礼
我发现
放下包袱的感觉
真的很好
那背影
已经逐渐消失了

一个不懂得尊敬别人
却只懂得以自我为中心的人

他
没有什么值得我去留恋
他
没有权力掌控我的喜怒哀乐
他
没有资格出现在我的生活里

再见
一个一再糟蹋我的认真的他

今晚开始
在我的人生里
就从此把他的名字给删掉

在这个城市里
没有条例说
谁没有了谁就活不了

明天

我依然可以开心自在的过日子
仍然期待
更好的人走进我的世界

我可以
我一定
会过得比以前更好~

Thanks To

2011-12-15T23:06:00.003+08:00

Its just happened again and again. Over and over. It didnt stop. Its unavoidable and repeatable.
Thank you. For everything. For all this while, I have been living under this roof for 18 years.
No matter how many times it happens, it have still haunted me for no reason.
But tonight. The same thing didnt happen anymore.
Im not scared. Im not afraid. Im not running away.
Im standing there and taking every shit from you.
Oh yeah. Showing off your power. You ego freak.
Tonight, Im gonna say THANK YOU.
Thanks for giving me the chance to become a strong person.
Thanks for letting me go through the path that normal kids wont do.
Thanks for being all-the-time brilliant character.
Thanks for scolding me for nothing.
Thanks for forcing me to apologise even i have did no mistakes.
And yet.
Thanks for reminded me that, I DONT BELONG TO THIS PLACE.
You can take whatever you want.
You can say whatever you like.
You can even beat me to death.
You said you were suffering these days.
You said you had taken enough from me.
Dont have to hesitate then.
Dont have to hold on it anymore.
Go on. Take it.
The bomb inside my head will still explode in no time.
You just shorten the period of going on my life.
It's alright. I wont blame you.
You're the eldest. I will give you my respect no matter how.
So. Take it. I dont even care.

thank you for telling me that,
i dont like you, at all~~~

你还是要幸福

2011-12-14T20:33:00.001+08:00

昨天的那一场大雨，淹没了整个城市，更淋湿那一个空虚的灵魂。
情绪再也控制不住，随着雨滴，一点一滴地散开。
歇斯底里地狂哭，想要把仅存的力气也掏出来，用泪水来满足那一个欲望。
还真的觉得再见可以很简单，很单纯。
甚至还向上天祈祷，不再让你受苦，好让你以后可以更快乐。
毕竟，我们之间一开始就很模糊。
是友情？还是爱情？没有人晓得。
还很天真的以为，给你送上最真诚的祝福，一切就可以安静的结束。

“you really hurt me, you put me through a lot but you always make it sound like you are the victim and everything is my fault and yes you are selfish but i just tahan for so long..”

或许，一开始，你只想要发泄那个人的欲望，觉得占据我的一切，可以让你觉得很满足。
甚至，监视我的一举一动，限制我的生活起居，控制我的喜怒哀乐。
我，还傻傻的，相信那只不过是你所谓的关心。
感情真的可以很伤人，再坚强的，也可以狠狠地被打倒。
再快乐的灵魂，也有寂寞的时候。
再潇洒的态度，也有脆弱的一面。

此时此刻，很遗憾的，已经彻底地失望了。
还真的以为，真心真意地祝福，可以换来最后一点的安慰。
在感情的世界里，没有对与错。
不可以计较谁付出的比较多，不可以计算谁比较能吃苦。
要是到了这个时候，你还是要这么说话，我无言以对。
你，让我知道这一切都是不对的，一开始那就是一个错误。
认识你，是一个很大的错误。

结束了，一切都结束了，就让它在这里落幕。
即使伤口淌着血，我再也不会哭。
也许，这一切换来的只有孤独，相信我，那样也可以很快乐。
你，可以恨我，可以讨厌我，我也不在乎。
以后，你要好好地生活，不要再让自己难堪。
在这一个你看不见的角落，我真心地给你献上祝福。
无论如何，你还是要幸福。

The End

2011-12-13T00:27:00.002+08:00

每一段故事都会有个开始和一个结局。
往往，开始都是美好的；结局却只有五十五十的机会，不是喜剧收场，就是悲伤流泪。
经历了那么多，坦白说，这一次的确让我伤得不轻。
不管是友情，亲情还是爱情，在这十八年里，该吃过的苦，我相信我经历的都不比别人少。
从生病到感情的背叛，mentally until physically，所受过的委屈，可说是十根手指也数不完。
在2011年，十八岁的最后一个月，我作了这些年来从未作过的决定。
我和他，从今晚开始就互不相干了。
我，选择离开。
一个再见，一句祝福的话，从此我就把他在我的生命里删除掉。
事情演变成这样的地步，我也要负起很大的责任。
要是当初我没有一而再的给他机会赎罪，一再地相信他，或许现在的情况就不一样了。
我和他，什么都不是，我们之间即没有爱情也没有友情。
那只是友情以上，恋人未满的关系。
我曾经一度认为他就是对的人，但是相处以后，才发现我一点都不了解他。
他的自私，他的霸道，他的蛮横无理，这些日子我都一一接受。
总是认为，忍让是维持一段关系最好的付出，不必多说，对方就可以体谅这一份用心。
我，错了。
对他而言，每一份关心是要说出口的，要列名到底为对方做了些什么。
刚开始我不懂，只是同情他的家庭背景，所以他才会这样。
日子久了，才发现一个人的容忍是有限的。
我相信他说的会改变，他说的每一字每一句，我都选择相信。
但是事实一再证明，我错了。
他把我对他的信任一再摧毁，粉碎。
我，真的累了。
我不想再多解释些什么，解释是多余的。
老实说，说出那一句再见，我真的很难受。
一再认为那个就是可以让你依靠的人，最后原来什么都不是，除了带来伤害以外，没有别的了。
我傻？或许吧。
没关系，这一切都结束了。
我很感激这些日子里，一路陪伴我的朋友。
不必多说，我相信他们心里有数。
谢谢~Thank you~Thanks for being my side when i need accompany the most~Thanks for giving laughter when i was about to cry~I do appreaciate it very much~Lets pray for our friendship last forever~I love you guys <3
今晚，就让我好好地大哭一场，把那些不好的事情，痛痛快快地删掉。
明天开始，一切就会恢复正常。
伤口依然会隐隐作痛，但我相信时间是最好的良药，它总有一天会愈合。
或许，老天爷会同情我，在这个时候给我派来一位使者，好让我有一个真正的依靠。
哈哈~
我，累了。
哭过今夜，我不会在为他而流泪，再也不会。
再见，曾经我很信任的那个他。
再见，那一份既像是友情，却又到不了爱情的关系。
再见。

明天依然要勇敢地活下去，即使狂风暴雨，也要自己一个人咬紧牙根撑过去。加油~

真的该睡了，不然肝脏真的会烂掉~ :P

«学不会»

2011-12-07T09:18:00.001+08:00

很多事情发生得恰恰好,就在对的时机出现。
有一位朋友说,坏的事情结束以后,好运就会到来。
那是幸运?
还是因为现在身处的环境没比之前糟糕,而感到欣慰?
每一回跌倒很重的时候,总是会有那么一首歌,如此贴近自己,犹如唱着那一段心酸似的。
JJ林俊杰最新首波抒情主打«学不会»。
歌词是如此的贴切,旋律是那么的动人。
每一个呼吸,每一个高音,每一个停顿,
它,让我流泪。
再怎么积极,有些事情我还是学不会。

Phobia...

2011-12-06T09:24:00.001+08:00

There's always something I wanna write but ended up being a trash in the Draft. I wanted to write about myself, those things that haunted me all these times. There's this mind-blocked whenever I wanted to express my thoughts. Hmm. I guess this is all because of fate or Im just being lazy.

别人都说总是要等到失去后才学会珍惜,要是失去了仍然学不会珍惜,那该怎么办?
他,曾经让我认为我真的找到一个真正了解且体贴我的人。
最终,我还是错了。
是否该庆幸我还没作出决定前已经发现问题所在,临时止住了脚步?
那个时候,一切都变得很糟糕。
他说,我的举动让他很难受,很痛苦,甚至可以连性命也可以不要了。
我以为,他可以很成熟的看待这一切,最后我还是错了。
我总是在想,是不是我处理这件事情的手法出了差错?
是不是我让他那么难过?
同时,我也在为自己着想。
要是我不选择放手,最终崩溃的就只是我而已。
这些日子里,我和他一起分享快乐和难过。
但很抱歉,当我越熟悉他的一切,越觉得他是否还是我认识的那个他。
即是,我和他之间存在非一般的友谊,但这并不代表他可以占有我生活的每个细节。
短讯没回,就给我发脾气。
碰面没打招呼,就说我莫不关心。
他,开始一步步地霸占我生活里的一切。
和熟稔的男性朋友看电影吃饭,就给我脸色看。
他说,这一些举动都是因为他在乎我,给我的关心。
他也一再地强调,他为我牺牲了多少时间和精力,他为我付出了很多。
他要的,只不过是我可以珍惜他多一点。
我,问心无愧,即使作为一个朋友,我给他的关心,已经远远超越普通朋友的界线。
我不说,不出声,不反抗。
我认为,不管那是爱情,友情或亲
情,关心和付出并不需要说出口,对方要是真的在乎,也会以同样的方式报答,以行动证明最为实际。
要是对方不领情,也不需要精精计较,这个世界上没有规定说一定要接受别人的好意。
如果一个人认为,付出了以后,没有得到应有的回报,而感到吃亏,那证明了他很幼稚。
活在这一个现实的城市里,几乎大部分的人只为了有利益的事情才甘愿牺牲,绝不会为了徒无功的傻事卖命。
要是,他也是那一群现实主义的一分子,我,很失望。
他,甚至远远超越了现实主义而已,还有一些蛮横霸道。
我,按良心自问,我给予他的容忍,已经跨越我设下的极限,该给的我已经将一切都给了。
原以为只要我好好地忍耐,相信这一切不安和猜测很快就结束。
但是,我一再地原谅,一再地听他说的对不起,情况没有好转,反而变本加历。
对不起,我真的累了。
在连朋友都作不成的情况发生之前,我和他之间那最单纯的友谊好好地保留下来。
他,一定要过得好好地,别再把痛苦带给下一个她。
我,没事。
再给我多一点时间,好让那恐惧散去,很快的,就会没事了。
加油 :)

Crave For Love

2011-12-01T14:57:00.001+08:00

眼睁睁看着身边的朋友一个接一个的找到属于自己的另一半,

心里就是有莫名的抽搐。

是羡慕?还是妒忌?我不晓得。

只知道一个人再坚强也需要一个肩膀依靠,再勇敢也需要一个人安慰。

我承认我很想要找个人来陪。毕竟坚持太久,也觉得累了。

往往在这一个脆弱的时刻,非常容易作错决定。

我不想酿造任何悲剧,更不想把自己一时的贪婪建立在别人的痛苦。

因此,我只能够安静下来,再不断地祈祷,希望哪天有个人听见我的声音,再来看看我,给我一些温暖和安慰,告诉我这一路我都做得很棒,然后拍拍我的头,给我一个拥抱。

How Are You Doing?

2011-11-28T18:02:00.001+08:00

你好吗?
先给自己的部落格打个招呼，毕竟我离开这里那么久，难免会对它感到愧疚。

一转眼,一年又要过去了。
在十八岁的这一年，很多人都说是青春绽放的美好时光。
回头一往，在这一年我又干了多少傻事呢？
真正的十八时光，我的，大概在年中才开始吧。
人生第一次离开五日制定时上课的日子，脱离校服捆绑的岁月，那大概是一件还不错的事。
终于可以踩着自己喜爱的球鞋，穿着T-SHIRT和牛仔裤上课去。
这大概是很多学弟学妹渴望好久的校园生活，但是日子一旦长了，自己才发现那也不是一件什么了不起的大事。

在校园里，总是有看不完的“花草树木”，形形色色的人类，出生于五花八门的家庭背景。
其实我还蛮庆幸中学生活没有那么平淡，至少到了COLLEGE还适应得来。
很多朋友踏入这里都发现自己不能够真正地享受，反而有一种无形的压力。

在不久以后的同学聚会，我相信他们一定会慰问偶的校园生活过得怎样。
老实说，这一年，不好也不坏，没有想象中的精彩，也没有预期的糟糕。

2011，还有一个月的时间就要结束了，话不多说，还是好好地把握机会，制造一些值得留恋的回忆，做一些不可思议的事情，好让这一年没有白白地浪费。

同伴们，加油吧！！！

2011-07-03T15:35:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since my last blog post.
I'm not sure when was it. April? May? Probably longer than that.
People does not update their blog mostly due to lack of time.
I have plenty of stories to share. Just that i have no time to spare.
It's been two months since i went to college.
I miss my high school days. I miss my buddies. I miss being in a classroom.
College is a new environment which totally different with high school.
No school uniforms. No white shoes. No restrictions for hairstlyes.
And we're available to bring phones.
If people ask did i like college life,i will probably say maybe.
Everything is new and fresh to me. Firstly with the no-school-uniforms surroundings.
Everyone is wearing all kinds of clothes with the trendy and even the old-fashioned.
Obviously,im still sticked with my own style. A pair of jeans and tshirt.
Comfy and simple. Nothing much to think about.
I did make some new friends. New classmates. New partners.
But somehow each of theirs faces remind me of my high school buddies.
I really miss them. Those time we used to go tuition together. Skipped classes.
Running under the rain just to catch a bus.
And yea my love stories.
There's one girl asked me,when are you going to get a boyfriend.
I was like staring at her with the mouth opened.
This question never came across my mind since i entered college.
I still remember that me and my high buddies was always talked about guys.
We were hoping to get a boyfriend real soon and went out for a double-date.
Coupling might be normal act in college.
But this idea does not have such a high impact on me anymore.
Probably borned as an aquarious, freedom comes first.
I always wanted to travel to alone. Be a real backpacker.
College did apply with freedom. But it does not seem much like a freedom to me.
Everyone might walking with a mask.
College is three times bigger than high school. Even with the numver of students.
I did not mean to stay between four walls.
Im not good to adapt in new environment but others said i did.
It's just my natural instinct to react that way.
There's always fear in me.
This might prove that i have double personalities.
Well well. It's such a long and dull post.
Nothing much exciting or interesting happened in my college. Yet.
Praying for something great to happen real soon.
Tata.

IMY TWINS,BRO,BUDDY <3

2011-06-06T20:10:00.001+08:00

那样的感觉又再次浮现
我该怎么办
应该勇敢面对
还是刻意回避

即害怕
却又不自觉往前走

是诚心
还是假意
我根本不晓得

这个世界上
很多像我这样的人
已经很勇敢
但是仍然感觉到痛

想要尝试
却因为害怕痛
宁愿逃脱

一直安抚自己说
是我想太多

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BEAST - On Raining Days

2011-05-12T12:15:00.000+08:00

这一首歌
让我不得不屏住呼吸
不停地重复播放

第一遍
我无法呼吸

第二遍
我无法思考

第三遍
我想哭

心痛的感觉依然存在
他的影子还在脑海

那些回忆
像坏掉的水龙头
水一涌而出
关不住
也停不了

那些藏不住的伤口
会痛

但是
我不想让这首歌停下
不想让他的影子消失

那些痛
只因为过去才疼

它不会持续太久
因为心灵早已免疫
回忆已经开始模糊

就让我
在有他的回忆里
沉浸一下

我没事
我只是想要
找回那个影子
那个
让我哭笑不得
的影子

那些画面
随着越来越坚固的心墙
已经慢慢模糊了
这也证明
我开始成长了

我不会沉沦
过去的痛
我会握紧双手
熬过去

我相信
奇迹
会出现

***
如果认为自己已经客服过去的那些痛,不妨听一听这首振动心灵的歌。让回忆施放,重新感受自己的成长。Enjoy ~~~

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Random

2011-04-26T12:15:00.001+08:00

今天又是一个晴天
蓝天白云
在一片一望无际的草原
奔跑呐喊打滚幻想
那样的生活该有多好

每个人都说
只要坚持不懈
奇迹一定会出现
我也这样告诉自己

但是
一个人
傻傻的坚持
有时候真的很累
眼看就要到达顶峰
却在这时候摔跤倒下
我该怎么办

实现不了的梦想
是否应该坚持下去
有时候
我真的很迷惘

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水瓶座

2011-04-14T14:50:00.000+08:00

水瓶座

代表人物：《圣斗士星矢》冰河

几乎每个水瓶座的心底都有着一段刻骨铭心的记忆，一个永远无法忘记的背影。
...那也许只是极其短暂的两情相悦，或只是一种单恋，或只是存在于虚幻空间。

一切看起来是那么平静，那么和谐。

没有惊天动地，没有海誓山盟，没有花前月下，没有浪漫，没有誓言，没有温度。水瓶座的理智和冷漠，注定了任何感情永无燃点。

水瓶座不容易喜欢上一个人。有人说水瓶座对伴侣的要求太高，其实并非这样，水瓶座注重的是感觉。只是那么轻描淡写的一眼，那个人已经吸引了水瓶的所有注意力，从此目光便无法转移。

用一秒钟爱上一个人，然后再付出一生去忘记，水瓶座就是这样的试验品。

但几乎所有的水瓶都会否认在自己的身上发生一见钟情，因为他们一向自视清高，承认爱上一个人这种事似乎是在侮辱自己的智商。

更多的时候是因为，连自己都没发现已经爱上。水瓶座很多时候对于感情反应非常迟钝，迟钝到每次都是最后的知情者。有时容易出现弄不清自己的感觉，不清楚自己想做什么，觉得迷惘。

在对方没有非常明确地表示感情时会退怯，觉得爱情是两厢情愿，不想勉强对方。

显得很被动，忽冷忽热，犹豫不决，极其矛盾。在没有完全确定前，决不轻易付出感情，因为怕失去。也许是缺乏安全感，也许是对自己的保护，也可以算作是一种自私。

一般水瓶座的好朋友都是经过很长时间的考察的，不仅仅是几年，而是十几年。一旦被水瓶座当作好朋友的，会赴汤蹈火掏心掏肺。

在公车上，街边，商场，水瓶老是认错人。在茫茫人海中，始终在寻找一个熟悉的身影，直到产生幻觉。
这一刻，水瓶座突然很想痛哭流涕，因为突然发现自己几近疯狂的爱上一个人，失去了理智，失去了自我。这种突如其来的感觉，很恐惧，很无助。

水瓶座在人前总是一幅无忧无虑没心没肝的样子，不想别人看见自己的悲伤，那样会有不安全的感觉，总是在无人的地方暗自落泪。

尽管水瓶座装着多么不在乎，看都不看一眼。可是对方说的每句话都从耳朵进去，没见出来。对方提的任何过分的要求，水瓶座统统照单全收、精心尽力，绝对不会有半个不字。完全成为一个爱情的奴隶，脸上还装酷无表情，整个死要面子活受罪。

这种情况下，如果对方使点阴谋诡计，刻意疏远避而不见或是视而不见，电话不接或是哼哈敷衍等等，水瓶会给整疯了，开始会想是什么自己地方做错了，说错话了，然后拉下面子主动讨好试探。不用多，碰壁两次，水瓶座就会有自知之明了，不会再去想是为什么会这样，也不想知道了。心里会想，原来是对方讨厌自己，不想见到自己。然后就是绝对的安静了。

这还没完，过了一段日子。对方如果突然又改变态度，水瓶座竟然能既往不咎问也不问，殷勤依旧，完全没有尊严可谈。只要能和对方开心的在一起，过去不重要，未来也不重要，面子不重要，金钱不重要，时间不重要，自己也不重要。

天平失衡，感情重重的压在心底，自己却飘在了半空。太在乎对方，迷失了自我，幸福也变得虚无。
自己都不爱，谁还会珍惜。

水瓶座一旦付出，便是彻底，不可收回。感情投入的越多越是伤的重。

最擅长的是难为自己。不想对方难过，只好让自己难过。总是认为自己有超乎寻常的承受力，把自己想得太坚强，而把别人想得太脆弱。不知道，受伤的其实是自己，只是不知道如何表现出来。

爱，这个字对水瓶座来说，太沉重珍贵了，无法用语言诠释。一旦说出口，犹如远古的文物，被发掘出土，暴露于空气中，变得面目全非，失去本来的价值。
所以，不轻易说。

只需一次，水瓶座便把一生的精力耗尽，只因执著，便落得伤痕累累。那段感情如强酸腐蚀着那颗麻木的心，穿了一个洞，再也无法弥补。时间是世界上最有力的矬子，把空洞的毛边渐渐抚平，不再割人。每当寒风吹过，犹闻隐约凄凉的萧萧声，似挽歌。

只需一次，水瓶座便不再幻想，于是狠狠将自己摔碎，拒绝熔化拼凑。因为怕熔了记忆，怕熔了那个远远的背影，怕熔了自己千年的期盼。

之后，水瓶座依然谈笑风生，依然开朗豁达，继续着一段接一段的新感情，重复着一切，因为无法承受寂寞。
人们都说水瓶花心，见一个爱一个，水瓶座会哈哈一笑，说“哪有？冤啊！”。其实心里在滴着血，脸上却笑的灿烂，安慰自己“我是谁啊！哪会那么弱呢！”

当看到一个瓶子在疯狂地快乐或悲伤时，请千万不要被迷惑，水瓶总是不由自主地交错操纵着快乐与悲伤。其实并不像看到的那么快乐，同样的，也不像看到的那么悲伤。只是悲伤时，喜欢带上快乐的面具，而当水瓶快乐时，悲伤又不肯轻易放过。如此的义无反顾，是什么让水瓶变得如此忽冷忽热捉摸不定，谁才能体会水瓶的

坚强只是竭力掩饰的脆弱。

星相上说，水瓶座往往不被所爱的人珍惜。我想，是为什么呢？也许答案就在心中，只是水瓶座的本性不愿承认而已。

爱哭鬼?

2011-04-11T09:36:00.001+08:00

从小时候到现在
已经十八岁的我
到底哭过了多少遍
十根手指头都数不清啊

小时候
不顾什么事情
无论在谁的面前
都可以淅沥哗啦
哭一场
一转眼就没事了

长大了以后
尝到苦头,碰到钉子
才知道
什么时候应该哭

哭
是一种发泄
把内心无法负荷的情绪
让眼泪缓和它

我会哭
但是并不代表我爱哭
我不是那种
有事没事就哭的人

或许我会告诉别人
我哭过
但是
真正看我哭过的人
没几个

哭不是一种羞耻的事
也不会是一件可以自豪的事
那么为什么要让人看见

即使
有再多的羞辱
跌倒再痛
我都会忍下来
回家以后躲在棉被里
才大哭一场

或许这看起来很愚蠢
但是
这就是我的原则
可以说我傻,可以说我笨
对我而言
在别人面前哭
只会让全世界放大
自己懦弱的那一面

我哭过以后
会选择告诉我的 buddy
因为他们的安慰
是让我重拾信心的能量
让我勇敢解决问题
在错误中学习

要是有一天
我在众目睽睽之下
掉眼泪
只能够说大事不妙了
喔哦
那绝对是一件
超越我情绪控制极限的事
哈哈哈哈

这些日子里
我真的很庆幸能够遇见
BRO and my buddies
是因为他们不断地
给我鼓励和指导
我才能够
在一次又一次的挫折中
成长

***
要是Bro 看见我这一篇东西
他又要说 "你就是那种外表装得坚强,回家才哭到半死的人"
哈哈哈
才不是勒
现在我的 EQ 程度
多亏Bro 的指导
还真的进步了不少
开学请你吃饭咯
谢啦 :)

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有感而发

2011-04-06T16:08:00.003+08:00

以下的内容纯属个人意见，如有雷同请别多见怪 :)

我真的很开心
拥有这个荣幸担任
身边每一对情侣的见证人
以及最终实的听众

两个人从一见钟情
暧昧关系
到真正的情侣
都是得到上天和时间
的眷恋及祝福
才能实现的

两个人一起相处
应该就像呼吸那样简单
是生活里绝不可缺的
但它绝不会是一种束缚

想起他/她
心会是暖和的
看见他/她
嘴角会不自觉上扬

会一起笑,一起哭
会一起等待奇迹出现
会紧紧地牵着彼此的手
会倾听彼此的心事
会了解彼此的喜好
会体谅彼此的心情
会感激上天让彼此遇见
会珍惜和彼此相处的每一刻

不会吵架
因为他/她知道
那样会伤害彼此的心
不会埋怨
因为他/她知道
世界上没有人是完美的

当两个人的心
再也感觉不到
那一种甜蜜和温暖
只有冰冷和心碎
甚至讨厌或愤怒
那么
两个人的世界就早已不存在了

为了证明自己付出最多
要求他/她给予回报
哭哭闹闹
无论怎样都要他/她说个明白
只可惜
他/她无言以对

当一段感情变质的时候
不管怎么去挽救
都已经无济于事
唯一能做的就是
为这一段曾经完美的爱情
哀悼

回想起的时候
不会伤心流泪
反而是暖暖的安慰
因为它是生命里其中一个
美丽的回忆

别太执着
要学会放手
给自己一个最真诚的微笑
再大步地往前走
不要难过和灰心
幸福就会在不远处

在这里
祝每一对情人永远幸福快乐
Love and cherish the one you loved forever~

ps:
First Snow First Kiss by Yeoseob(Beast)Ft. Drama(Dalmatian)
这是一首让我感觉幸福的歌
每一回听见这首歌
我都会不自觉微笑
虽然是韩语
上网 google 歌词翻译啦
这绝对是一首
能够让全世界感觉幸福满满的歌 <3

谢谢光临

2011-04-06T15:59:00.002+08:00

现在才知道
原来有不少读者浏览我的blog
本人在这里非常感激大家的光临
还有那些在微博follow我的朋友
最意外的是远在英国的他
仍然是我的忠实读者
我真的很感谢大家的支持

这里没有很感人的故事
只有最简单的文字
述说最真诚的真人真事
希望大家可以感受到
这一份最真挚的心情

Pls Follow Me On Twitter :)

2011-03-31T14:28:00.003+08:00

People~
Sorry for not updating my blog recently.
Please do follow my twitter >>>> hilwoo
I will tweet frequently in twitter.

Life's getting better nowadays.
Drum class will start officially tomorrow night.
Please stay tuned in my twitter to catch up.

Been stayed at home for about 3 months.
Totally lack of exercises after the sinus operation.
Wanna give a big big HUG to all my friends.
Thanks for concerned about my health.
And buddy,there's no hole ON my nose la. Hahaha.
I won't be the UFO for using the mouth to breathe anymore. XD.
Will back for swimming soon. whoots.

Done registration in TAR college last week.
Peoples around still wondering about their further studies.
I'm glad i have made up my mind since last year.
And yea, i do hope my dear Kai Yan will take the same course as me.
But less time to make decision right now.
My dear, listen to your heart.
Will support you whatever your choice are.

定心丸

2011-03-27T00:14:00.001+08:00

今天
我比过去的每一个周六
还要早睡醒
却赖在被窝里
整整四个小时

在干嘛?
我在幻想呢
想象一个雪景
穿着厚厚的寒衣
太阳依然温暖的
早晨

好笑呗

下午
在学院为新学期报名
终于安心了

虽然不晓得
以后
找到工作的可能性
有多高
这毕竟是我会喜欢的
不是吗?

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2011-03-25T23:56:00.001+08:00

现在才了解
每一段感情都有共同点

我和他
你和我

所有的一切
不停地再轮回

现在我终于明白了

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SMILE

2011-03-25T12:16:00.001+08:00

I feel alive today. Not as miserable as yesterday. Isn't it a good thing. Smile.
I feel alright. Even though mom still being cold to me. But getting a confirm to further study in college is a step towards my dream. Smile again.
Gonna do the registeration in college this weekends. But i still keep my PLAN B with me. Hehe. Smile eh.
I'm glad that i'm moving forward. Big SMILE :)

*Addicted to GOT YOUR BACK.

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2011-03-24T11:53:00.001+08:00

心情不好的时候
我就是不喜欢说话
我只想睡觉

心情糟透的时候
我更不喜欢说话
只想喝酒
醉了就可以呼呼大睡

我尝试调整自己
我放声大哭
累了就睡觉
那也只能维持一夜
睡醒了
只会觉得更恍惚

现在我想要把自己灌醉
可惜
冰箱里的啤酒都被藏起来了

我真的很想出去透透气
我不可以再装作没事
我头很痛
看见爸妈失望的样子
我的心更痛
我更讨厌自己

此时此刻
我真的很想出去走走
吹吹风
这样我可以清醒一些
好受一点~

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2011-03-23T13:51:00.001+08:00

Please dont call me...
I wont pick your call...
Please dont ask me "Are you alright?"...
Because i'm not alright at all...
Anything please just text me...
Will reply your message when i'm ok...
Sorry and thank you...

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Ashamed

2011-03-23T13:38:00.001+08:00

是我太骄傲
还是我太粗心
还是我真的太高估自己的能力
原本以为可以黯然接受
所有的结局
但是
我错了
成绩不理想
还在人群中情绪失控
好不容易离开别人的视线
才敢好好发泄
真的以为自己是超人
对任何情况都可以保持冷静
最后我还是办不到
一通又一通电话
让我不知所措
情绪完全不受控制

对不起
我让所有人失望了

爸,妈,姐
对不起

我不想再压抑了~

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Pray

2011-03-22T12:00:00.001+08:00

Nothing i can do for this moment. May God bless me. I will pray.
Good luck everyone.

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B2ST

2011-03-17T15:27:00.003+08:00

I <3 B2ST
espcially yo seob :)

Just FRIENDS

2011-03-16T12:59:00.004+08:00

Just came back from Jess's place. By your car.
And yet. I know you gonna read this post soon enough. But IDK. XD.
I turn my radio to the highest volume. Feel like wanna boom the house down.

Here comes my speech:

我的坦白或许伤害到你
我很抱歉
但是把事情说清楚
才是最好的解决方式
既然彼此都决定做朋友
就拜托你
别再想太多了
我再说最后一次
我不难过
我也没有说谎
别以为以前的回忆有多难忘
别再问我好不好
我真的很感激你
现在
我们真的只是朋友

These are the words i can't spit it out just now. I'm sorry.
I thought we will be fine since last night. And so do i.
But right now you have thought too much.
I'm perfectly FINE. Don't be stressed up.
This isn't something we have expected. But it's another happy ending thou.
Please don't make things complicated.
Smile, my friend. Still love you always :)

I'M AN IDIOT

2011-03-15T11:59:00.003+08:00

I'm totally freaked out this morning.
I had a dream. A dream which had everything i thought about whole night.
It's totally a nightmare. I can't believe WTH am i thinking right now.
It's just so-not-me.
I finally made up my mind ever since. And now i have ruined my own reputation.
Acting like a puppy begging for help? What? A lost kid in the middle of street?
NO! NO! NO!
Stop acting like a freak right now. I have made a decision.
YES then YES.
NO say NO.
Don't just stand on the ground and expect someone to rescue.
What had i did yesterday was so wrong.
Everything was wrong! WRONG! WRONG!
I'm not going to find any excuse and forgive myself this time.
I have let the emotions to take over my mind.
And yet. I'm not going to let this happen again. Never ever.
It's just STUPID. IDIOT. BAKA.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
I feel like want to scream my lungs out.
Get myself a drink. Calm it down. Forget it. And move forward.
Nothing's gonna bring me down. Chill out.

*Me :Oh mom,can i go Jess's place tonight?
Mom :NO,you will only make yourself drunk for the second time. And i prefer you
drink at home. We got your favourite Merlot in the fridge. Save some for your
dad. (hang up...)
Me :AHHHHH!!!!!

And now. Im going to COOK.

2011-03-14T15:28:00.005+08:00

这里
或许是一个没有人会经过的地方
但是
它才是一个真正属于我的世界

在每一个睡不着的夜晚
我会有好多真心话想说
好多心情想要分享
只有这里
可以完成我没有谈心对象的说话

不是我没有朋友
只是
懂得听我倾诉的耳朵
到了最后
会消失

那些恐惧
每当我拿起手机想要发短讯的时候
就会提醒我
那些日子的痛

每一次
我想要认真地经营一段感情
最后换来的
却是一次比一次
还要严重的伤

爱情

友情

不是我不想爱
是我更懂得
什么应该珍惜
什么可以拥有

或许别人会说这很可悲
但我不难过
我只是过着一种
我可以承受的生活
我可以比以前更快乐

请原谅我的坦白
我很清楚该如何衡量每一段感情
模模糊糊的
只会浪费更多的时间
倒不如
选择一种彼此能够适应的方式
维持这一次的友情

我坦白
是因为我了解等待时的寂寞
那些温暖
可以安慰一时
却不能拥有一辈子
诚实的面对自己
才是最勇敢的

真的
这些日子
我很感激你
即时说几千几万次的谢谢
都不够

我是真心想要和你做好朋友
一个可以让我发泄
为我打气
听我发牢骚
要我念书

就像一家人
不会觉得尴尬
不会难堪
可以一起嘻嘻哈哈地过日子

希望你可以看见~

2011-03-03T15:17:00.002+08:00

Never underestimate me...Im stronger than you thought...
Im working on what i've dreamed...
So do you...Dont waste your precious time on me anymore...
Dont you think that acting like coward may gain people's hearts...
Listen up...You've ruined the respects from everyone...
Please just get out of my life...
Live like a man...

Dont make a wrong choice in your life...
I have got out of your life...
You're a perfect one...
But not the one for me...
It's complicated...I know...
This is so much hatred...

You have broken all the promises...
Why should i follow your rules still...
That's crazy...and ridiculous...
Dont you ever feel ashamed of yourself...

What i gonna say is...
BYE BYE...GET YOUR LIFE...XD

2011-02-21T16:07:00.002+08:00

清醒的时候总是有很多的幻想

如果
有那么一天
现在会不会是这样

要是
选择了那一个
将来又会是怎样

清醒的时间越长
脑袋放映的是回忆
而不是现在

那一幕幕的场景
人事物
虽然已经开始模糊了
那一张笑脸
或许再也看不清楚了

那一种滋味
却不曾离开过

不会再期待些什么
只要夜里有星星月亮
白天有太阳
就可以过得很好

2011-02-18T15:12:00.002+08:00

生命中的一切都是不可以强求的
不管是工作还是感情
一切想要拥有的
我们只能够努力地争取

它或许是现在的目标
但下一秒
或许就不存在了

为了它
可以不吃不喝不睡
甚至哭了好几个夜晚
都无所谓

当它不给任何回应的时候
会难过会沮丧
但还是会期待着奇迹

久而久之
就会开始麻木了
不会去等待奇迹
更不会给予任何问候

它会形成生命中的一道伤
现在或许不能够愈合
但是时间可以

时间能够冲淡回忆
抚平伤口
疤痕会烙印在生命里
至少不会感觉到痛

我们应该选择相信时间
那些得不到的
就不要再勉强了
执着并不是件坏事
当往往只会带来更多的痛苦

让时间带走一切
回忆就像是一部电影
或许可以看上好几遍
但是总有看腻的时候

彩虹不是每一次都是七彩
但它还是一样美丽
生命里没有什么是不可缺的
或许只是少了一种颜色
生命还是依然精彩

加油 :)

2010-12-20T15:48:00.002+08:00

Aunt Sharon gave me a call lat night.
She asked me about my further study.
Journalism. Im sticked to this since the very first moment.
She suggested that i should write in my own way.
My own language.
Now. This is my style of writing. This is it.
Of course. I prefer writing in chinese.
I really need to get my work started now.
My writing career. In chinese.
Maybe i will work on some short stories. Or just essay.
On any topic. Once a day.
Novel wasnt my first priority.
But i will try on that part as well.
I Google "how to become a great author".
Most of the post suggested US to write on every topic.
Articles. Novel. Poem. Short stories. Essay.
I should have carry notes book with me all the time.
Write every single moment.
Our inspirations may come from our dreams as well.
Anything. Anytime. Anywhere.
Im doing this though.
There's a Memo function in my phone.
That's my diary. I wrote about my feelings.
Wish me good luck =)

LATEST UPDATE FOR MYSELF

2010-12-15T17:15:00.002+08:00

I'm BACK. AGAIN. And that's what i wanna say. I have no idea why i just logged in this profile again. But i feel like i need some place to express myself. More privacy and away-from-parents-issues. Hmm. Here seems like a secret chamber to me. Only those who cares or passed-by would what's i up to.

Alright. SPM was the end. Here starts the new life. All over again. But i think not so fast. I'm having my 3-months after SPM holiday. It's like a semester break. But longer than normal schools break. I feel like an empty hole now. No thinking. No planning. I just want to have some fun. Not just fun. I mean something to fill up my time. It's timeS.

Of course. I would like to get my driving license ASAP. Might be going for the UNDANG talk tomorrow. My parents want me to drive. It sounds fun. I will deal with it though. I can dive around everywhere. Anywhere. Anytime. Not up to 12am.

I just need some air. Some fresh air. Something was buzzing in my head. But i couldn't figure it out. The only distractions that i have now is keep watching Vampire Diaries. Vamps did some great jobs to my head. At least i won't feel empty when i was spending time with the drama. Anyway. Damon is the hottest vamp that i never MET before. Haha. They like to use the word HUSHING in the drama. I think that suit him pretty much. He is HUSHING. Just look at his eyes. They will take away your souls. I started to read over the Twilight series again. But it's not as affective as Vampire Diaries to me anymore. Edward needs more improvement for that.

I just need more time to find out what should i do for this coming months. Working. Sleeping. Eating. Drama-ing. I should figure that out.
Thank you to those passed-biers. And Bye. Have a nice time everyone.
Will update again soon. Take care.

2010-10-04T20:16:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since i came here few months ago.
I felt so sorry for my blog. =)

突然好多话好想说
这大概是今年最后一个 update了
大考快到了
没那么多时间更新了
今年也是在中学的最后一年
从无知到懂事
从谷底爬回地面
好多好多事情不停地在发生
我很庆幸我能够闯过
一个又一个的难关
这些日子
我笑过
我哭过
我疯过
将近崩溃的日子也熬过了

现在
我最期待每一天洗澡后
坐在风扇前
吹干头发的时刻
那一阵阵的凉快
让一天的烦恼都吹走了
风扇 =)
我真的很喜欢 =)
即使永远得不到答案
但我绝不会忘记
曾经那冰凉的感觉 =)

2010-08-27T20:42:00.002+08:00

What The Hell am I doing right now???
The house gonna be exploded in few more hours.
And I'm doing nothing but still online-ing.
I went to Facebook and still wished people Happy Birthday.
Is that something wrong in my head???
Seriously. I don't know what should i do now or what can i do now.
I'm helpless. Totally HELPLESS.
Can anyone give me some ideas to solve the problem???
Everything was going to the wrong path now.
It's already out of my plan.
I've tried my best to do whatever i can.
I've tried my best to control my emotion and take everything under control.
I've tried my best to tell them that I'm worried.
I've tried my best to handle everything by myself.
I've tried my best not to ask for help from others.
What else can i do right now???
I'm lost at this moment.
I've said my prayers.
Please~please help me...

2010-08-23T20:43:00.002+08:00

Today was a bloody-shit day. Please forgive my rudeness.
I just needed some space to release my anger.
WTH! We get enough of bull-shit during the assembly.
Then teacher merajuk at us again.
During PJ get lectured by teacher. NO! It's worse then a lecture. UGH!

I've get tired of this whole bull-shit lecture.
It's ridiculous.
Did you hear a school discipline teacher say "Do you I'm a STUPID FOOL???"
Or a principal said "USE YOUR BRAIN TO THINK!!!"
Isn't those phrase sound so insulting or even embarrassing??
Thanks god i left not more than 100 days to stay in this school.
I will never come out to this sacred place anymore.

Anyway. I wanna gave a big THANKS to Bro.
Haha. Thanks for your smart-lecture.
It's working in my brain now.
I will try my best to digest those as fast as possible.
Hmm. Still wondering should i skip school tomorrow??
Yes or No??
ARH!!!! I better take more time to sleep first.
XD

2010-08-16T16:43:00.002+08:00

《宽恕》
是一首很值得推荐的歌曲=)
不管是旋律还是歌词都很有味道
要听喔=)

I supposed to post this the day before yesterday.
But something wrong with my pc.
So i switched off my pc before i finished my post.

I don't feel like listen to it anymore now.
Haha. Mood changed faster than i thought.
It's just that I'm getting over IT now.
It's such a good job thou.

Anyway the missing-missing part is no more existed now.
I'm moving on in my life.
As a friend,there's something i wanna tell you.
Live you life. There's no lifeless if you've chosen it.
Colour your world with some paint.
Find the joy and feel the love around you.
You can always enjoy the day and night as others do.
Search for your dreams.
Let the wounds heal. Let the blood stop bleeding in you.
You can always filled with happiness.
Enjoy every moments in your life.
Good luck =)

Anyway. Today was the second last day of trial.
Get ready to scream tomorrow my friends =)

Yesterday was my dear's birthday.
Sorry my dear. Didn't wish you sharp at 12am.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY WEI JEAN <3 LOVE YOU <3

Today was my Bro' birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO VIC =)
Hope you find your love soon...love you =)

2010-08-13T21:33:00.002+08:00

I'm free from exam for 2 days...DUH...ONLY...
Left 4 more days to go...
And i wanted to shout at here:
I'M NOT GOING SCHOOL NEXT FRIDAY!!!!!!!
I'M GONNA ROCK MY DAY!!!!!!!
WOOHOO!!!!!
Hahahahaha...
I've no idea why i feel so hyper now...
Guess what...I've stalked my ex-crush's profile just now...
Now i only realized that he look more DISGUSTING than i thought...
Actually he cant really counted as a CRUSH...
It's just we've spent few days in camp...
He helped me all the time...
Bla bla bla...that's all...
Ask him GO DIE la...Muahahahhaha...

Oh yea...peoples are asking about the FAN issue...
I wanna announce loudly here then...
I've get over it...Hahahahaha...
I'm not missing him that much now...
I admit that I'm still like him...=.=
But then it's all under control...
Woohoo~~~ My life's sooo good <3

I've went KLCC before tuition at Kasturi today...
There's some picture i wanna share but lazy to upload now...
Next time la...ciaozzzz =)

2010-08-12T16:33:00.002+08:00

Oh yeah~~
So in the mood to update my blog again...
I have no idea why i got this hippy-happy mood now...
Even chun xian just pissed me off in school AGAIN!!!!
He just went back without waiting for me AGAIN!!!!!
I'm not those just can take public transport and reach home so easily...
It's worse than everything if i dont have transport to go home!!!
I didnt mean to bergantung kepada orang lain!!!!
Seriously...this transport problem will kill me instantly!!!!
UGH!!!! WTH!!!!!!!!!! SHIT!!!!!!!!! OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
I needed some way to release those now...
I just screwed up my addmath paper...NO...is ALL PAPERS...
But i dont know why out of sudden i have the urge to listen NEED YOU NOW...
Although the pain have faded...
But i have some kind of good-feeling...
And yea...when i'm in the good mood...
The SUN will always keep his words...
SUN SHINES SOOOO BRIGHTLY OUTSIDE =D
I feel like want to have a jog now...
Let the sunlight sink into my skin and burned my blood...
I needed some excitement now...
STUDY was too bored for me...
Guess what...I'm making SURPRISE for someone now...
CANT WAIT FOR TOMORROW =)

Maybe i'm drunk now...hahahahahaha...
I'm just so NEED YOU NOW =)

2010-08-11T16:57:00.002+08:00

最近除了老是睡觉就没别的事干了
也不知道怎么了
睡了好久好久还是觉得很疲倦
别人都说我的眼袋好深
今天我静静地坐着
想了好久
不知不觉就想起了七年前的事
还记得那一年我生病了
老是在班上打瞌睡
老师还责怪我怎么晚上没睡觉
那时候
我已经比一般人早睡
除了功课和精神压力之外
都没什么烦恼
直到去医院检查的时候
医生告诉妈妈
我的鼻子被堵住了
喉咙也长多了一根骨头
这样导致晚上睡觉时
氧气不能够完全进入头脑
因此脑袋不能够得到完全的休息
所以我比平常人需要更多的睡眠
那时候吃药已经是治不好了
除了动手术
否则我会一睡就再也醒不来了
......

相隔七年了
动了手术以后病情是改善了
医生也说过这只是暂时的
长大了以后才可以以情况把肉块正式切除

身心疲倦～
呼吸困难～
偶尔头晕～
视线模糊～
睡了好久还想再睡～
眼袋很深～

这种种的症状就像七年前一样
难道是？？？
我也不想瞎猜
更不要胡思乱想
只是如果真的是那样
医生的语言难道要实现吗？

老实说
我比任何人更想要健健康康地活着
能够感受每一刻阳光
就是幸福的

所有人要加油喔！！！
把过去给忘了～
开开心心地迎接以后的每一天 =)

2010-08-03T16:55:00.003+08:00

Thinking of you make me feel irritated...
Missing you make me feel like a jerk...
Waiting for you make me feel like an idiot...
Looking for you make me sound so ridiculous....
UGH...
Enough thou...
Honestly I'm tough...
Tougher than anyone else mentally...(sometimes...XD)
I'm getting over it now...
SO yeah...
Nothing i should worry now...
It's not a shame for me to admit the truth...
I did feel good when I'm doing everything right...
Moving all the broken pieces back to one...

Thanks,Regent...
I like the colour very much...
Even it's a bit YAO >.<
I better go buy the TOP-COAT and the BASE-COAT before i pain my nails...
Thanks =)

2010-07-30T20:31:00.002+08:00

FIRST LOVE-Utada Hikaru

Saigo no kisu wa
Tabako no flavor ga shita
Nigakute setsunai kaori

Ashita no imagoro niwa
Anata wa doki ni irun darou
Dare wo omotterun darou

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made

Tachidomaru jikan ga
Ugokidasou to shiteru
Wasuretakunai koto bakari

Ashita no imagoro niwa
Watashi wa kitto naiteru
Anata wo omotterun darou

You will always be inside my heart
Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Mada kanashii love song
Now and forever

It's such a nice song. Take some time to listen it.
I'm sure you will love it =)
I can feel that I'm recovering.
Just a "HI" and a smile.
It couldn't be too hard.
Will listen to Bro's advice.
Think about the happy memories when really missed it.
It works though.
Good luck to me =)

2010-07-29T20:46:00.002+08:00

Had a long day...
3 periods CHEMISTRY.I almost fainted already.
I'm in such a blur-case already during the second period.
Luckily IK smacked me.Thanks girl.

Rabb told me about some Islam story.
It sound like muslims have more bantang-larang.
It's a nice talk though.

I finally spilled out all the problems to Bro.
Thanks a lot Bro.
Without you.I thought i might still live under my blanket.
There's so much i want to say.
Honestly.THANK YOU VERY MUCH =)

It's a very difficult task for me now.
Even just stop thinking about the same thing.
I will still try my best.
Good luck to me =)

The 201th Post

2010-07-28T18:30:00.002+08:00

I finally got a title for this post.
Nothing special happened today.
I'm just driving myself crazier every minutes.
Emotions are like wild horses.
We should learned how to control it.
I've let it gone wild for too long.
Or maybe i never tried to control it before.
Just kept covering with tons of blanket.
Yea. Maybe i got some kind of mental-disorder.
Too much room in my head.
That's why those crap kept swimming in my mind.
UGH =.=
I wished i could have short-term memory.
Then i could forget everything or erase it from my head.
All i need the most is TIME.
Give me some time.
I know i can do it.
I'm going to the way of moving-on-and-get-over.
Just get off of my mind!!!!

2010-07-27T16:10:00.002+08:00

HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!
I've reached 200 POSTS...

And yea...there's too much to share today...

I'm addicted to Westlife AGAISNT ALL ODDS these days.
The lyrics is so meaningful.
Download and listen if you have time.
It's not a bad idea thou.

It's over this time.
Everything is over now.
BOOM!!! Game over.
And yet. I lost in the game.
Such an loser.
Maybe i shouldn't make it too hard last night.
But i just couldn't resist the anger anymore.
I let the emotions ran wild and out of control.
I just figured out that's really a sucks action.
What else can you do if you're in my situation.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
I really felt like an idiot last night.
I didn't know how to express the feelings.
The feelings.
I wished i could shout IT out loud last night.
Or maybe gave you a slap on your face.
I will feel much better.
Reading through the words without a real tone.
It's sucks.
I did want to know what's in your mind actually yesterday.
You almost there to spill it out already last night.
But you pushed it back and kept it inside.
I wished I'm mind-reader.
At least i can know what are you thinking.
Now everything seem unnecessary.
There's no need to do anything thou.
Since yesterday was a strong fight.
You won for your own sake.
I lost so I gave up on you.
Fine. That's the deal since i joined the conversation.
I knew this would gonna happened.
I'm not interested of your mind anymore.
Go back and hide inside.
Just whatever.
I will LEAVE YOU ALONE.
I'm nothing to you. Worse than NOTHING. Less than NOTHING.
I'm more tiring than you are.
Sorry sorry sorry...Bla bla bla...Haha...
Every time I've tried but it always ended with nothing.
Even though i cried last night.
Not really sure i cried until what time but fell alseep at last.
I'm not going to drown myself with the EMO.
You go live in your cave.
I'm going on with my life.
I need my life.
I'm moving on.
Take care and Goodbye.

2010-07-26T20:54:00.002+08:00

STOP BLOGGING ALREADY...

Haha...I think that's impossible...
I have too much to say and too much to share...
And yea... I didn't sleep yesterday...
I think i just get 1 hour sleep...=.=
Felt like crap during assembly this morning...
I was trying so hard to open my eyes...

TOO BAD...When i reached 5H...
I heard Bryan's voice...
"HILARY!!! WHO CUT YOUR HAIR????"
Great~Then everyone turned to look at me...
Charles gave the most reaction...
He said it looked CUTE....
Yea...CUTE huh...i don't really like that word in me...
Guess what...Edwin said this was the so-called HELMET head...
UGH...BULLSHIT...sorry...XD...
I started to get used of my hair already anyway...
I just cut my fringe...
Come on... Don't make it sound like i have chopped off my hair...

AGAIN~
I lost my credits for today...
I thought about FAN again and again...
I thought there might be some fate between...
I thought there might be miracles...
I thought...
I thought...
I thought...
DUH~~~
Better stop thinking about it...

2010-07-24T15:49:00.002+08:00

"Stop doing it when you already knew that's stupid"

Yea...yea...I kept remind that to myself.
Hmm. Better don't do something stupid.
WAKE UP!!!!!

Today won't be a great Saturday night for me.
Coz there's no clubbing and movie night.
Duh~~~~But I'm already 17.
Seriously. I can't wait for SPM to end.
I got the longest TO-Do list.

First,get my driving license.
(Started to regret for not taking it since I turned 17)

Second,go karaoke and movie with my BFF.
(I'm gonna sing like crazy)

Third,get a 24hours sleep.
(That's what i needed the most now)

Forth,...
Fifth,...
...
...
...
...

There's so much to say and so much to do.
Martin's bio teacher Donald was right.
We left about 100 days.
Make this 100 days become the most wonderful days in our 17.
Treasure the 100 days.
Our dreams will get start if there's faith in these 100 days.
Good luck to everyone =)

***I'm not going to apologize to you.
So stop act like a kid there.

***I'm not going to say a word about FAN anymore.
Hmm.
I will try my best la. XD.
I'm doing this because i know FAN more than i do.

2010-07-22T20:43:00.002+08:00

The sky was gray today.
BUT! BUT! BUT!
I'm glad i'm doing well today.
I'm sure i performed pretty good today.
2points for myself. Haha.

I had a freaking crazy after-school today.
Twins and Zhi Lok went Dynamic with me.
Then we went Sunny Beach to have lunch.
GOOD!!!!
They left me around 4pm.
I had no idea how i passed the 1hour and 45mins.
I read BRIDA then plugged in my earphone.
A head suddenly popped out.
Holy Crap!!!!
It's Qiming. =.=
It's already 5pm,no wonder he and his gang will appear at here.
Phew~ I left 15mins from now on.
YES!!! Time's up!!!!
I quickly hang up my bag then paid the bill.
I walked out Sunny Beach ASAP.
I swore my heartbeat was louder than anyone else.
Peoples around 5 miles can also heard it . UGH!!!
Fine. 1point gone. Good job huh.
It's okay. I will try harder tomorrow.
Chill~ You are doing well now.
Just stop the stupid thinking in your mind,hilary.
Go study. Even listen to your mp3 is better than that.
Good. Go ahead. Stop thinking about it already.

2010-07-21T16:43:00.002+08:00

I need to get it off my chest now.
The wound is getting worse.
I don't like the stink smell of blood.
I wanna give it away now.
It make me feel so sick.

The Sun.
I will let The Sun brighten up in me.
I wouldn't bother it anymore.
Let it be. Let it go.
No matter how. No matter what.
I'm ME.
I'm HILARY.

2010-07-20T17:27:00.002+08:00

The emptiness have filled my hole.
I couldn't help but let the anger filled in my veins.
The warmth was abnormal.
I'm pissed off.
The scared ground have made me afraid.
I couldn't resist this anymore.
The pain is killing me.
As much as you did.
Please tell me what you want.
Just spill it out.
I don't like to practice waiting.
I've been this far.
I can't keep the distance between us anymore.
But i still couldn't let it go.
Please~I'm begging.
Just let me know what the hack is in your mind.
Please~Let me know.
I promise i will walk away as soon as i get the answer.
I won't get into your life anymore.
I never ask for anything. Never ever.
Just friends.
I know.

2010-07-19T20:39:00.003+08:00

I've no idea what i'm going through now.
Kinda scared and horrified.
I'm glad i've talked to Buddy today.
This made me felt relief.
I knew her suggestions was going to work.
But i didn't have enough courage.
But the eager inside me was growling.
It seem getting worse and worse.
I really needed to spill it out.
I shouldn't kept it with myself.
I really "Need You Now"...

BOOKXCESS

2010-07-18T18:34:00.008+08:00

I've merajuk for whole morning just wanna go AMCORP MALL yesterday. Hahaha.
Dad brought us there after lunch. I straight away ran to the 4th floor.
AHA!!!! BOOKXCESS!!!! I found it. I'm not i've been there for how long.
But i bet it's more than 1hours. Haha. There were so many booksssssssss.
Fiction,general fiction,romance,horror,etc.
OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess what~I've bought 5books which only cost 104buks and 50sens.
To all book readers. Listen UP!!! All the books are affordable and fabulous.
Most of them were hard-covered and cost superrrrrrrrrrr cheap.
Here's my new bookie :

2010-07-13T16:20:00.002+08:00

又回到需要音乐催眠的日子
昨晚故意等到所有人离开
才阑珊地回家
一个人躺在地板上
不停地思考
直到看见网上的一篇帖子
才知道...

那一道伤口
不管怎样去掩饰
还是一样会发炎流血
那一阵阵的剧痛
永远都摆脱不了
以为它痊愈了
再次遇上同一个情景
伤口又再次淌血

那一种撕心裂肺
痛不欲生的感受
何尝没有尝试过
哭到累了就睡
睡醒了又哭

那些浑浑厄厄的生活
要是心智不强
就永远摆脱不了

在这么不健康的环境
伤口怎么会愈合
伪装成了习惯
以为伤口复合了
其实
它从来就没有被治疗
只会一天比一天更痛

不管搽了什么药
都无法好起来
既然已经疲惫不堪
为什么就不让它结疤
让它痊愈

伤疤会永远留着
但是它不会痛
想要保留的
仍然留住
至少不会再那么难受
至少不会因为痛
而不敢伸手去触碰

时间不会因此而留住
地球不会因此而停止转动
伤口淌血的时候
同时也有人含着泪
继续往前走
他们不是愚蠢
他们只是比谁都还要清楚
勇敢
才可以让伤口痊愈得更快

风扇～要继续转动 =)

2010-07-10T20:15:00.002+08:00

Just came back from the second time of training...
I got a call from K around 3pm...duh...he totally spoiled my appetite...
This was the conversation -
K : Will pick you up around 4pm. I already told your parents.
Me : (speechless...kept staring at my parents...)
K : Don't try to act like you're not there. I will bring you there no matter what.
Me : (still speechless...)
K : HOI!!!! You're getting on my nerve!!! Can't you just make a sound or anything.
Me : (hang up the phone without saying anything...)

Muahahahahahahaha...
I bet K burned up his house at last...He hates people doesn't give him any response...
Talking this...I got the same way how he feels...
I hate it so much too...I don't like people ain't giving any response...
When i text to someone, i truly hope i got an reply...
No matter you like it or not...tell me honestly please...
I hate face the emptiness while chatting for so long and suddenly no reply...

I thought i fixed everything...for those i had messed up before...
I thought i already handled it...but now it seem like got back to the bad part...
What have i done??? I reread the last message for few times...
It didn't seem wrong...AT ALL...UGH...
I told myself that if i can fixed up the mess...
I don't mind get the bubbling from parents about the phone bill...
But now it seem like going to wrong way...WTH!!!!
It didn't look like that precious for me anymore...
I thought i already figured out the way to make everything easier...
I kinda messed up everything again this time...

Anyway...the ECLIPSE-mood still very active in my vein...
Every scene...every movement...in the movie...
Was pretty clear in my mind...
Oh gosh...the movie make my love sick gone worse...Duh~~
JACOB BLACK is SO DAMN HOT!!!!!!!!!!
When i watched the scene he kissed Bella...
MY god sake...my heart was melting...=)
He's topless in the movie for every scene...
Except the scene he went school and got a talk to Edward...
He wore a tight top which shown his super muscular body...
AWWWWWW~~~~~
The movie is a lot better compared to New Moon...
I LOVE ECLIPSE!!!!! I LOVE JACOB BLACK!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

2010-07-07T17:11:00.002+08:00

Today Puan Chew just announced that all those exam classes (form3,form5,form6)no need to attend any koko activity after AGM...woohoo...
I already gave myself an early break for koko since last week...
I'm staying home alone again since my sis already went back to Sabah yesterday...
I cooked myself a simple fried noodles for lunch just now...
I did enjoy cooking actually...=) And i never set my kitchen into fire before...
I watched tv...And just i took 1 hour for a shower...
Still having my wet hair even the droplets still fresh on tshirt...
But i'm blogging now...haha...I didn't like to dry up my hair...
It's kinda wasting time...And kinda MA FAN...
Peoples were talking about the world cup in class today...
Most of them support Germany...But i support Holland...haha...
Because i like Van Persie...XD

I already wore my sports outfit...And my backpack was there beside me...
Still wondering...Should i go for the interview???
Kexin told me that this was the big chance...
God is trying to make my life better...And i should appreciate it...
But...but...but...
Compared to others,my qualifications was below average...
How am i going to compete with them???
Screw it up!!! UGH!!!
I shouldn't say YES to K last night...
Today is the second time of their interview...
Due to the reason of too many applications...They want to do second interview formally...=.=
My heart is pounding 100times faster than normal...
GOING???
NOT GOING???
I'm going to tose a coin now...
Wish me good luck =)

2010-07-03T21:30:00.002+08:00

I can't believe my mind still keep thinking about the damn FAN...UGH!!!
The more i think about FAN,the more i get frustrated...
I just cant stop thinking...
I have been dreaming about FAN for almost whole weeks...
I just want a talk...Even a simple "hi"...
What can i do???
Everyone ask me just forget about it...
It wouldnt worth for waiting so long...
But i just couldnt get over it...
I hate FAN!!!
I hate FAN!!!
I hate FAN!!!
Can you just get off my mind...X_X

2010-06-26T15:24:00.002+08:00

WOW...It has been a long time since my last post...
Anyway...I;m back again...haha...I missed my blog sooo much...
I thought everything will get into the end after the June two weeks holiday...
Got a feeling that my life will get back to normal...
I did take part in the chinese singing competition...We lost...
Something have changed my mind since that day...
I needed a place to spill it out...It's my blog...
I don't know what's other options that i have...
But i think it belonged here...
I thought Bro was right...Everything just a 巧合...
I shouldn't keep it in the heart...and shouldn't do anything stupid again...

Just came back from Sunway University College Oxford Cambridge English Event...
Muahahahahahahaha~~~
I just found out that's kinda bored actually...
No hot guys...No hot lecturers...
Twins and i had nothing to do...we used bluetooth to send "WTH" notes to others...
Some of them did receive...There's a person named JOEL ARVIN sent me a "WASSUP"...
I tried to search this person from facebook just now...
I just found a bunch of below-average guys...
We had our lunch in the auditorium...the food was super spicy...LOL...
Just when i came back from toilet...
A guy sat in front two rows of me turned up and met my glance...
UGH~~~ I got some kind of weird feeling about this...
He smiled at me...I didn't know how to react just gave him a smile as a polite response...He turned back for few times...I just tried my best to avoid his glance...

Anyway...the phone line was having a big traffic jam this days...
Peoples around me couldn't receive my messages...
And i also didn't receive their replies...
PEOPLES!!!! LISTEN UP!!!!
Please try to call or text me if you feel that i didn't reply for long time...
Just confirm with me again...
Thank you very much...

Hope everyone have a nice weekends =)

SUPER WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY

2010-06-11T11:32:00.001+08:00

OH YEAH~~~
WEDNESDAY was my big day...haha...our performance was perfect and wonderful...
I never heard that kind of joy from the audience before...thank you very much...

THURSDAY...haha...i went out for movie with zhi lok...actually the outing supposed to be just me and him...but i met veng chung on the way to KLCC...he joined us in the half way...haha...we watched KILLERS...gosh...i'm the last one knew the movie was 18PL...LIM ZHI LOK!!!!! Thanks god the cinema did let me go in...haha...The movie was awesome!!!! because the main acter was sooooooooo ATTRACTIVE!!! he is ASHTON KUTCHER!!!
He is supeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer HOT!!!!!
GIRLS!!!! go watch this movie if you can...trust me...he is breath-taking....haha...

Anyway...from now on...my life gonna turned back to normal...no more night outing...
no more streefulness...no more dance practice...i kinda missed it though...It was the best gift for my 17...haha...

2010-06-08T11:26:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was great except went for tuition...
Dad brought us to Ampang Park while waiting for our hunger to eat...
He didn't say anything through the whole journey...
We came into a camera shop...he called Jeff...OH MY GOD!!!!!!
This was something really gonna happened in my life!!!!!!!!!!
Jeff took a brand new camera to my dad...BRAND NEW!!!!!!!!!!!
And this is the latest model of the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OLYMPUS PEN E-PL1

This camera s freaking nice...
I don't know how to describe it...
But it's mine now!!!!!!!
Muahahahahaha~~~~

2010-06-07T11:38:00.002+08:00

I went TWINS's blog just now...never knew she did use this name for me also...haha...
Currently had a long phone chat with the MIKE LIM last night...since u didn't like me to call you weirdo...better call your name then...haha...
Never knew i gave him an impression as in a tomboy...haha...great huh...
Seriously we had a super lame chat last night...duh...
He just like other guys that i knew...all of them are in the same category...
What category???? I don't think is a good idea to post it here...haha...
I wanna say thanks to him though...he let me have the inspiration to enjoy my life again...hey dude...if you are reading this,please leave a comment ya...
THANKS A LOT...=)
He's in a relationship...but for me it's super complicated...

爱与不爱
宁愿选择不爱
只要有一点温暖
就足以能够满足心灵上
那一点点的空虚
实际上
拥有并不代表什么
那只是能够让自己
感受温暖持久一点
倒不如让自己
清醒一点
好好地活着吧～

New update

2010-06-06T22:08:00.003+08:00

Oh yeah~finally my blog is updated again...seriously i missed my blog so badly...
Anyway...holiday was here...i might be having more chance to update though...
Yesterday i went Sunway but bought nothing...
Today we went Midvalley...i bought nothing again...
But i saw a little cutie in jusco ladies's department...
Taadaa~~

Isn't it look so cute????
I wished to take it back home with me...It only costs RM29...
But my mom said NO!!!!!
I got too much of soft toys...NO NO NO!!!
I can only took a picture of this cute little creature the kept it in my camera...

Oh yeah~guess what...i met TONY CHIN in midvalley...
He and his girlfriend...I almost cant recognised him...
He looked a lot different than last time...
He looked better...but didnt mean handsome or hot...
Just as in good looking...he looked kind...haha...
His girlfriend looked like a very nice person too...haha...

Dad made a call during lunch...he called his friend purposely in front of me...
MUAHAHHAHAHAHHA~~~~~
He wanna buy a brand new camera for me!!!!!
WOOOHOOOOOO~~~~
It's not a DSLR...but it's awesome....
Cant wait to see it now....
BOYS AND GIRLS!!!!!
HAPPY HOLIDAY!!!!

2010-06-02T16:39:00.003+08:00

Wow...never knew i have the so-called mood to update my blog still...
I screwed up my midterm exam...DUH~ almost all exam i had in secondary school...
I have no idea why i could be this LAZY...exam is just on the next day... guess what...
I still can sleep through the night when just did A LITTLE BIT revision...
UGH!!!! what else can i do...haha...dont care la...that's all i can told myself...
I'm having physics paper tomorrow...Gonna work pretty hard for this LAST paper...
Since we are only having mathematics and chinese paper on friday...
I'm not planning to study for that...get enough of non-sleep nights...gonna sleep as much as i can after physics tomorrow...

I have no idea why i got this love-sick...that's what BRO said...haha...
And i have influenced my friends nowadays...
Hey GIRL!!!! If you are reading my blog,that's you... =p
DUH!!!! I get enough of this though...I started to change this feeling into hateness
when i saw a person...thanks to him...make my life gone case...haha....

good luck to everyone...
hope to update my blog pretty soon =)

2010-05-26T16:39:00.002+08:00

没错～没错～
你的眼睛没有问题！！！
哈哈～
本人的确正在考试
但是所有人都不在家
为什么不趁这个机会
update一下我的blog

其实有好多话想说
但是在这短短的半小时
怎么能够说清楚呐

总而言之
我的生活还是一样
无聊～
感觉上好像又瘦了一点
无奈～

最最最让我无奈的是
我身旁的好友
一个个都拍拖了
更可恶的是
还一个个向我炫耀
有那么了不起吗
虽然是有一点妒嫉啦
但那不算什么呀

你们一个个给我听好
我可不是那些犯花痴的人
才不会随随便便
就找个男生拍拖
最起码也要
够帅～够高～够gentlemen~
哈哈哈

朋友们
你们就不要再酸我了啦
本人的确很想找个人来陪我啊
但是要求太高了啦
至于之前的那个 so-called crush
( 只有我最亲爱的buddy,bro & twins知道)
已经过时啦
我现在发现自己的品味
还转变得蛮快的
哈哈

说了一点点
但感觉已经好多了
GOOD LUCK TO ALL PEOPLE =)

2010-05-20T14:59:00.002+08:00

Muahaha...I'm back...I finally can update my blog...
Because of the return of my sis from sabah... I dont have a chance to open my blog...
She will stand behind and see what have i wrote...DUH~
And i dont want my blog expose to my family... NEVER EVER...
anyway..today was a good day...
VICTOR HO!!!!
YOU OWE ME A LOT FROM NOW ON!!!!

2010-05-15T17:39:00.002+08:00

不管曾经是多么的激烈
如今
一切都已经是
灰飞烟灭

缅怀过去
只能够
找回那么一点点的安慰

是那么地想念
那一种感觉

但是
随着时间
它
一点一滴
慢慢地
流逝

紧握的手
仍然不肯放开
哪怕
某一天
它会回来

阳光
怎么都照不到
心的那一扇窗

为什么
要那么折磨自己

晴天
就在窗外
你看见了吗？

Paper 2 ADDMATH for Saturday

2010-05-15T16:39:00.002+08:00

We sit for our MIDTERM today. Just one paper which was ADDMATH PAPER2. WTH.
I didn't know what the hell was i doing just now.
I tried my best to finish all the questions. But i thought i lost more 30 marks already. Muahaha.
Guess what. My mom started to treat me as a outsider again.
Because of your-sister-was-home issues.
She said i better stayed at home since i got exam pretty soon.
FINE!!! Then i stayed at home lo.
I'm not going to spoil my mood since today was SUNNY DAY!!!
SUNNY DAY is MY DAY =)

2010-05-12T19:08:00.000+08:00

在错的时间

遇上对的人

唉～

喜欢？

不喜欢？

唉～

2010-05-10T09:26:00.002+08:00

心脏的跳动
让人类维持生命
但是
人类是否有真正的去感受心脏
当人类不断地封闭自己
心脏也会随之关闭
要是永远不懂得觉醒
心脏的围墙
只会越来越牢固

要找到自由的钥匙
就必须摆脱过去的负担
勇敢地冲破心墙
去寻找快乐的那扇门

回忆是痛苦的
同时也是
唯一能够让人类成长的因素
不管自己是多么的不舍
也是有要学习放手的时刻
只能说
熬过去
就好了～

GOOD LUCK and ALL THE BEST to all my beloved friends=)

A Nice Day At Home

2010-05-09T21:40:00.002+08:00

I off my handphone purposely yesterday night before i went to sleep.
I woke up around 9.45am this morning.
My phone kept vibrate since i turned on my phone again.
I replied some messages then off my phone and get back to sleep again.
Mom woke me up around 12pm. Wow. Never knew i slept for so long.
Dad drove us to wangsa maju and had hainan chicken rice. Lol.
Then we went back home.
I long time didn't spend my weekends at home.
I did some of homework.
Around 4pm. Some weirdo called me.
We talked for about 20 minutes. Lol.
He was kinda weird and funny anyway. But somehow i feel pity about him.
Anyway. Good luck dude. Just follow your heart.
Everything gonna alright. All the best to you =)

哈哈～输了

2010-05-08T18:26:00.002+08:00

没错。我在诗歌朗诵比赛输了。
哈哈哈。
是蛮难过的。
同时也因为得到了解脱而感到高兴。
我终于可以专心读书了！！！
哈哈哈。
是很失望啦。
尽了力就好，这是所有朋友告诉我的。
朋友都拨了好几通电话给我。
感动的呐～
别担心。我没事啦。
待会儿去睡个好觉，再吃多几颗巧克力。
心情大概就会变好了。

今天在康乐遇见好多小学同学。
蛮开心的。好久不见。
大家似乎都变了样。
最糟糕的是竟然有人说我像鬼=.=
还问我是生病还是美白？？？
只能说 LOL 。
没想到那个人一开口就问关于我的BLOG。
我到底怎么了。
哈哈哈。
在这里我好想跟那个人说
“加油吧，朋友！” GOOD LUCK =)

刚刚从我家对面的篮球场回来。
不是去打篮球啦。
是 WEI LIN 啦。
好端端地。
无缘无故跑来这里打篮球。
蛮搞笑的。
说不到两句话，就跟我说 BYE BYE。

A Date With My Twins

2010-05-07T20:28:00.002+08:00

Today was friday...haha...of course everyone knew it...But today didn't have chinese class...hooray...I got date with someone...haha...guess who's the lucky one...
Haha...my dear KAI YAN...
We went KLCC just now...We planned to have lunch there...
I wanted to go SUSHI KING...unfortunately...there was a long queue...and i hate that...
Then we thought about our lunch for few minutes...
We wanted to have NANDO's this time...But hor we went to the wrong direction...
We had no choice but ate at MANHATTAN FISH MARKET...hehe...
We ordered morry fish and chips...Nice meal anyway...
I almost fell alseep after having such a fulled meal...
I got an idea then...Go KINOKUNIYA...my favourite bookstore...
We didn't realize that we left 30 minutes only...
But i met my dear book...and i just couldn't let it go...
Then i borrowed money from kai yan to bring my dear book home...
Gosh!!! It's already 3.30pm...class starts at 3.45pm...
We ran like crazy to the lrt station...
Then ran like crazy to kasturi...haha...
We were late...AGAIN...late...=.=
Anyway we had a good afternoon together...
I enjoyed the day so much...
Love you so much KAI YAN <3

P/S i didn't sesat la...
just felt a bit scary when walking alone to plaza rakyat lrt station...
i hate those stupid promoter...scary scary =.=

Tomorrow is my BIG BIG BIG day...
Wish me GOOD LUCK everybody =)

2010-05-06T20:29:00.002+08:00

OH YEAH!!! I ponteng sivik class today...Haha...Just to chat with my Bro...
We had a funny talk anyway...Kinda funny...Seriously...haha...
Today class was just fine again...that's why i don't like to go school...
And i don't even like to stay at home...Don't know where else to go...
I kept practice the poem until i really became PSYCHO already...
I didn't know how my head worked now...felt like kinda lost...
I had no choice but presented my poem before pbc activity started today...
This was what i promised my Bro...I couldn't say NO...
Luckily not much people there...But...there was one thing which made me felt down...
I asked some of the for the comments...
Everyone said that i'm not bad la...
But someone's comment really made me felt a little pissed off...
Hey dude...mind your words la...don't thought you are a PRO...and then talked like a true PRO...duh...although i don't really mind what you said...but that comment kept flowing in my mind...UGH!!!
P/S the person i said was not MC ya...haha...=p
After PBC...
I went tuition with MC and shan zhi...
I had nothing else to say when all form4s around me...plus my buddy was not there...
sad sad...oh yeah...i had a good talk with kexin before we went to tuition...
HEYY...KEXIN...LISTEN UP....NEVER EVER SAY IT OUT!!!!!
and yea...MC brought us to the 素食 restaurant...
I felt kinda peaceful when i entered that place...I didn't know why...haha...
Maybe was because of the aura around the restaurant...
And again...three f us just had some simple talk...hmm...can considered as talked not too much at all...haha...But i did have a great afternoon with the two guys...
Anyway...Thanks to MC who belanja i minuman...=)

有些话好想说
听好了
如果要达到目的
请你公平竞争
不要利用我对你的信任
来套取任何消息
这些动作真的很小人
很幼稚～

今天我豁出去了＝)

PSYCHO-ing

2010-05-05T20:57:00.002+08:00

Yea...if i kept practicing the poem...within a week i will become PSYCHO...
I needed to change my expressions within 1 seconds...
My eyes needed to act with my emotion...
My voice needed to be smooth and loud anytime...
Gosh!!!!
What am i doing now????
诗歌朗诵～
一时要哭...一时要闹...
我疯了...
My aunt changed my action everytime...
I needed to follow her instructions everytime also...
This made me really felt like PSYCHO...
GOD BLESS ME~~~
Honestly...i worked so hard to 假面具...
Please give me luck...

2010-05-04T17:11:00.002+08:00

What i wanna say is...today school was sucks...okay...i don't care how people think when i'm using that S word...duh...
Today school was super duper and definitely bored like hell...I can't sleep even my eyes already tired like shit...Just kept doing homework...Firstly i planned to sleep during math...but en.azmi gave the class a math worksheet made me felt interested with it...then i spent up my whole math hour by doing the math worksheet...
When i realised that,the time was gone...T-T...
Recess time just fine for me...I thought this was because there was something missed out...Sad case lo...After that addmath...I had nno idea why i felt such sleepy in class...I tried my best to open up my eyes...But i failed...I fell asleep for 5minutes...Haha...
Here comes the climax...Just after english pn.jugdeep class...hohoho...
Time for bm pn.muzrika...Listen up...Biggest news for the world!!!!
She came into the class...and half of the students were gone...
Then we did ucap to her that time...fine...
She shouted like crazy to the class out of sudden...OMG!!!!
She said we were no manners at all...
She took her books and bag then walked out the class...
The whole class didn't have reaction but stared at the empty teacher's table...
Haha...that's so fun huh...
We had been waiting for discipline teacher to come in the class...
Within 30minutes...dang dang dang~~~
Here came mr.tan...
He brought his cane with him...and a piece of paper...
He started to give us lecture...
He said that pn.muzrika cried in his office and complained about 5H...
Bla bla bla...Then he gave lecture again...
What i wanted to say is...
I admit that 5H is noisy and naughty...But we still respect teacher...
Pn.muzrika is the one who got high emotional everytime...
I didn't mean to blame teacher or else...
It's just like....ugh...i'm sure everyone know what i wanna say...
LOL...

Anyway...
这星期六就是诗歌朗诵比赛了...
紧张呐...
怎么说呢...
今天正式在人群中练习...
还蛮自在的...
老师和 BRO 都说我表现不错...
不错～～
看来还得努力在镜子前神经质多一点...
Haha...
Wish me good luck everyone=)